He's Always Been There
by EatAGAPeach
Summary: Behind the scenes with Deacon and Rayna over the last eight episodes of season 3. What went on that we didn't see?
1. Chapter 1

_**This is based on episode 15 of season 3 – That's the Way Love Goes. Just my thoughts on what might have been going on between the lines of the script and in the heads of the characters on that special night.**_

 **Rayna**

When this all started, planning for the tenth anniversary of her induction into the Grand Ole Opry, she really hadn't thought about Deacon. Which was surprising, since he'd certainly been there and been a big part of her life at that time. Her professional life, anyway.

Maybe it was because she'd taken that pause after she ended her engagement to Luke. Maybe it was because, even though she'd gone to see him and told him she still loved him, he hadn't really fought for her. Not the way she'd thought he would. After all, he'd pulled away from Maddie then, as though he were just pulling away period. The way he had in the past. All he did was tell her to take all the time she needed.

Sadie was the first one to bring it up, while they stood there looking at that picture of the night she'd been inducted. Vince Gill was there. Little Jimmy Dickens was there. And Deacon. Sadie had asked her if Deacon was going to be there for the celebration and she'd had to say she didn't know. Because she hadn't asked. Because she wasn't sure she was ready yet. For all that.

But then Maddie had asked. And gotten mad at her answer. _You can't even be on the same stage with him anymore? Do you hate him that much?_ It wasn't even close to being that. No, she definitely did not hate him. The truth was that she loved him. Too much. So much that she was afraid to open that door, because there was the chance for so much pain.

It had made her think, though. Maybe it _was_ time. Because, really, wasn't that why she'd broken up with Luke? She'd tried to tell herself it really wasn't. She'd said to Luke that it was Deacon, but that it wasn't Deacon. That he wasn't the reason she was breaking up, but that all her complicated feelings for him, and their history, were at the root of it. That was certainly true.

She'd done it for the right reasons. They weren't meant to be together. She was running away from something and that was no way to start a marriage. It wasn't much different from when she'd married Teddy. She was trying to protect herself. From the man she loved more than anything on this earth. _Why in the world would I do that?_

 **Deacon**

Sometimes Maddie was too big for her britches. He'd finally figured out how to spend time with her without getting all emotional about leaving her. He hadn't told her about the cancer and he wasn't sure when he was going to. He didn't want to break her heart, although he knew he was surely going to do it anyway.

She kept pushing about Rayna though. Just like Scarlett did, only for different reasons. Scarlett wanted someone else to know. Maddie just wanted him to be with her mom. Lord knew, he wanted that too. More than anything in the world. When he heard she'd broken up with Luke, when she'd come to see him that night and told him she'd always loved him, he had felt that flicker of hope. But then he remembered he had cancer, that he probably was going to die and leave her, and he didn't want to put her through more pain.

So when she'd stood there, looking at peace, finally, and told him she needed a little bit of time, instead of telling her they didn't have time, he'd let her go. _Take all the time you need._

It had broken his heart to say that to her. He needed her. More than any other time in his life, he needed her. He was scared. Scared of what the future held, scared he might die. But she had taken care of him for so many years and he didn't want her to have to do that again. It was better this way. That he knew for sure.

She did take some time. He wasn't sure he'd expected that, but with everything going on in his life, it was probably good that he didn't have to deal with it then. He was afraid that if she came back, she'd push. Because that was Rayna. She wouldn't let something go. She wouldn't let him push her away or keep anything from her. He wouldn't be able to do that anyway, of that he was sure. She knew him too well and she wouldn't give up until he told her. So it was good that she was staying away.

Every time he saw Dr. Rand, the news seemed bleaker and bleaker. His heart was heavy as he thought about leaving the people he loved. Maddie. Scarlett. And Rayna, most of all.

He'd gone to the place along the river one afternoon. The place he and Rayna had always gone to talk, after she'd married Teddy. He'd looked out over the river and he'd cried. He'd missed out on so much of Maddie's life, not knowing about her, and now it looked like the time they did have would be cut short. Scarlett didn't need him so much anymore, now that she was all grown up and seemed to have found her way, but he hated leaving her all the same. But leaving Rayna was what tore his heart up the most. He cursed the time he'd wasted, the pain and anguish he'd put her through for all those years. She'd told him his drinking would kill him one day, although he'd never thought it would be like this.

She was finally free to be his. There were no more secrets, like Maddie, to get between them. Except now there was his cancer. And he feared he wouldn't live long enough to have the life they'd wanted. The life they deserved. He'd put his head in his hands and wept, for all he'd lost and all he was going to lose.

 **Maddie**

She really wanted her parents to get back together.

When she'd first found out Deacon Claybourne was her real father, it had been confusing. It had felt like all the adults in her life had disappointed her, had made decisions for her without her permission. Once she'd gotten past the initial shock of it all, she had been interested in learning more about Deacon, getting to know him as her dad. These days it was almost hard to remember back when he hadn't been her father. They were so much alike and it had explained so much about who she was.

She'd thought a lot about the time when her parents had been together. She'd looked at all the pictures of when her mom and dad had been together and she could tell they'd been so much in love. She didn't see them together very often these days, but when she did, it always seemed to her that maybe they still were, but were afraid to say so.

When her dad had admitted to her that he'd asked her mom to marry him, it confirmed for her that they were really meant to be together. But her mom had agreed to marry Luke and that didn't seem to be ending. Until it did. Unexpectedly, amazingly, unbelievably, it did. The morning of the wedding. She'd felt so hopeful that everything would fall into place for her parents, but it didn't.

She and Talia had talked about it one day. Talia thought she was a weirdo to ship her parents, but Talia didn't really understand.

" _Wouldn't you like your parents to be together?" she'd asked her friend. Talia's parents had been divorced for a long time and both were remarried._

 _Talia had shrugged. "Maybe. But all I remember about when they were together was them fighting. And that wasn't much fun. Things are actually a lot better the way they are now." Talia had given her an odd look. "It's just weird for you to be this crazy about getting your parents back together."_

" _I've never seen them together, Talia. But I know they love each other. I can see it. My dad at least admits it. My mom always says 'it's complicated', but I can see it in her eyes. I just don't understand."_

This Opry thing was the perfect time for them to get together again. But when she'd suggested it to her mom, she'd gotten all weird about it. Again. Said it was complicated. Again. But Maddie thought it was simple. They both just needed to stop acting like they were afraid.

 **Rayna**

After she left Maddie's room, she called him and asked him to come. He'd seemed hesitant and he wouldn't commit, which had confused her. She'd mentioned Maddie and Daphne making their debut and he still wouldn't say yes. She even asked him to play guitar with them. It was odd. She hadn't felt like this around him in a long time – this distance – since after the accident, and that had been _her_ reaction, not his.

She felt an emptiness in her heart as she hung up the phone. It was almost like she could feel him slipping away from her.

 **Deacon**

He hadn't really known what to say when she asked him to come to the Opry celebration. He remembered what a big night that had been for her, when she'd gotten inducted. He'd been happy for her then, because he knew how important it was to her. She'd been teary that night and she'd hugged him, a little too long, but he thought it was because, of all the people in her life, he knew what it meant to her. It had been one of the many hopes and dreams they'd talked about, all those years ago.

But he didn't want to get too close now. He knew that at some point he was going to have to tell her about his cancer. He wouldn't just be able to die one day and not prepare her ahead of time. He'd need to tell her before he told Maddie, that he knew for sure. But he wasn't ready for all that. And knowing what this night meant to her, he didn't want to spoil things for her.

It was better to just stay away. He'd call her back and tell her that something had come up and he just wasn't going to be able to make it.

 **Rayna**

He never called her back. She didn't know if he was going to come. She kept looking for him in the crowd, but as the minutes ticked by, she felt her heart sink. He wasn't coming.

She took the girls to their dressing room, the "Into the Circle" dressing room that all first-timers at the Opry used. They were so thrilled and she was thrilled for them.

 _Someone here need a guitar player?_

She felt like she had the first time she met him. She had those same butterflies in her stomach. She smiled at him as he hugged the girls and he smiled back. _He came._

 **Deacon**

 _Wouldn't have missed it for the world._

If there wasn't much time left, he needed to be sure he did the things that were important. Like being there when his daughter made her Opry debut. And being there for the woman he loved.

He wasn't really sure what he was going to do about everything after that night, but he knew it was right to be there. And so he was.

 **The song**

She asked him to sing with her. She'd taken his hand and asked him. When she squeezed his hand, he squeezed back and looked at her. She thought he understood. She'd taken all the time she needed and she was ready. She hadn't realized it would happen then, but she'd known it the minute he'd walked in the dressing room door.

For a minute, she thought he wasn't going to come out on stage, but then there he was. When he hugged her, she whispered "The Rivers Between Us". It was a song they'd written when she was married to Teddy. It was the closest they'd come to acknowledging, to each other, what they both still felt. They hadn't performed it often, although it was on one of her albums. It was intensely personal, although most of their songs were. But this one was different, somehow.

It seemed fitting, to do this one on this night.

* * *

He hadn't meant to go out on stage with her. But when she'd held his hand and looked up at him, he'd seen and felt something he couldn't ignore. He wanted to, but he couldn't. He'd told Maddie he'd love Rayna until the day he died, and he was telling the truth about that. He'd disappointed her hundreds of times in their life together. This wasn't going to be another one. Even if it tore his own heart out.

* * *

Whenever it was just the two of them on a stage together, magic seemed to happen. It was as though everything around them faded to black, that they were the only two people in the whole world. It was always like that. It was that way again. Everything that was in their hearts played out on that stage that night. _Everything._

 **Deacon**

 _Help me hold on._

When he sang those last four words and looked into her eyes, he knew he needed to get off that stage. He'd hugged her, because it would have seemed odd not to, and then he'd walked off. He was afraid if he stayed, he'd break down. He was fighting tears as he headed off, not really seeing anything in front of him. _I need to get out of here._

Maddie and Daphne came up to him and he hugged them both, then told them he had to leave. He couldn't do this. He'd seen what was in her eyes, while they were on that stage. He knew what was in their hearts. But he couldn't do that to her, couldn't disappoint her again.

He smiled and nodded at people who spoke to him as he focused on getting out of the building. He was afraid he'd break down and he needed to be as far away from this place as he could be when he did. He actually only made it as far as his truck. He got in and shut the door and broke down in heaving, wrenching sobs.

 **Rayna**

When she heard the applause, it seemed to break the spell a bit. It had been just like in the beginning. Deacon and the music, they were both the same. She was still feeling that warm glow, when he hugged her. Then she realized he'd walked off the stage, but she still felt a little like she was floating on a cloud. She was breathless as she gazed out at the crowd.

 _Deacon Claybourne._ She practically whispered his name, as she realized, once and for all, that he was the person she wanted to be with for the rest of her life.

 **Deacon**

He didn't even go home. He headed north on Briley Parkway until he got to highway 65 and then he headed north to the cabin. He couldn't go home. He was sure she'd go by there. If not that night, then the next day. He couldn't face her, couldn't tell her he had to shatter her dreams. His dreams. He couldn't stop the tears, as he drove farther and farther away from her.

He knew he'd have to face her eventually. He had no idea what he would say to her. But he knew the time had come, when he had to tell her the truth. That he was dying and that there was nothing left for them. That it was too late, they'd waited too long. He knew he'd have to be strong, for both of them, but he had made up his mind. It wouldn't be easy. It would be the hardest obstacle they'd ever had to deal with. But he had to let her go.

 **Rayna**

She kept the smile going as the evening ended, all the while searching the crowd for Deacon. She couldn't believe he'd actually left. Walked out on her. It felt so much like all those times in the past, when they were together, and he'd leave. After a fight, or to go drinking, or just because he couldn't do it anymore. When things got tough, Deacon Claybourne would disappear. Too many times it put her in a bad position. She'd have to cancel a rehearsal or reschedule a recording session or find someone to play lead guitar and sing back up on stage. Because Deacon Claybourne couldn't handle it when things got tough.

But that was then. This was now. And Deacon had figured out how to handle things when they got tough. At least she thought he had. Well, at least until the truth came out about Maddie. Which, if she were honest with herself, was really her doing. But they were past that. And she'd told him she still loved him, back that night after she'd called off the wedding.

 _Did I wait too long?_

The girls didn't want to leave. They were still flying high on their Opry debut. That, at least, gave her a genuine feeling of happiness and she could smile a real smile at them. She'd been so proud of them as she'd watched them on stage. With Deacon. They really were quite talented. Maddie would be like Deacon, singing and writing songs and playing the guitar. Daphne would be like her, wanting to do all of that, but, in the end, just singing. That made her smile.

She'd finally spoken to everyone she'd needed to and hugged everyone who'd wanted one and she still was searching for Deacon, but she'd come to realize that he was gone. And her heart sank. She really thought they'd reconnected that night on stage. Singing that song. The look in his eyes as he watched her. And sang to her. She knew that, like her, everything around them had disappeared for him as they sang that song. It was just like it used to be, whenever they were on stage together. Nothing mattered but the music, and the love.

She wanted to cry, was desperate to cry, but she pushed it down. She had to smile at Luke and Colt. She'd forgotten Luke was there. What had happened on the stage probably had hurt him. Probably confirmed for him what he likely already knew, that Deacon was her future and that it had just always been that way. Wasn't going to change. Except he was gone.

The girls chattered in the backseat all the way home. They couldn't stop talking about what it felt like to be on the Opry stage, making their Opry debut. She barely talked, just to answer a question here or there. Maddie had asked her how it had felt to sing with Deacon again and she had smiled sadly and said it was wonderful. And it had been. She felt a stray tear threaten and she breathed in and whisked the tear away. And put that smile back on her face.

When she finally closed the door on Maddie's bedroom, she walked down the stairs to her room. After she closed the door, she collapsed, right there on the floor, and finally let the tears come. _Why did he leave?_ After a minute, she focused on putting all her emotions back deep inside and she got up and sat on the bench at the end of her bed. She fished through her purse and pulled out her phone.

She sat for a moment, looking at it, then scrolled through her contacts for his name. She pressed the call button and put the phone to her ear. _Hey, this is Deacon. You know what to do._ She sighed. Tears pressed against her eyes and she willed them back. _Deacon, please call me._

* * *

She lost track of how many times she tried calling him. She got voice mail every time. Sometimes she left a message, sometimes she didn't. She laid on her bed, still dressed, unable to sleep for more than twenty or thirty minutes at a time. Every time she dozed off, she'd wake with a start, grabbing her phone, looking for a message, a text, even just a missed call. But nothing. At two in the morning, she got up and wandered through the lower level of the house, like a ghost. She peered out windows, not sure what she expected to see. She wandered into the den and sat on the couch, then got up and paced some more. She walked into her music room, the white light of the moon shining through the window. She stood looking out at the almost full moon, trying his number yet again, for what, the fortieth time?

She tried sleeping again, to no avail. She thought back over the entire night, in painful detail. But not all of it was painful. It had been so good to see him walk in, a smile on his face. She knew she saw love in his eyes when they were on stage, but now that she thought about it, she also remembered seeing pain there as well. As though the love hurt. She didn't understand that. And so she tried him again. _Hey, this is Deacon. You know what to do._ She lowered her head and let the tears come.

When it was finally late enough, she took a shower and changed clothes, then went to Maddie's room. She told her daughter she had something she needed to do and for Maddie to watch Daphne. She didn't know how long she'd be, but to call Teddy if something came up. Maddie had frowned at her a little and asked if something was wrong. She'd pulled out her smile and let that smooth her face. _Of course not, everything's fine. I just need to take care of a few things._

She was pretty sure, based on the fact that Deacon had never answered his phone, that he probably was not at home, but she drove over there anyway. She got out of her car and walked up to the front door. She hesitated for a moment, then knocked. As she waited, she looked out towards the street, but didn't see his truck. She knocked one more time, then finally walked back to her car. She drove down the street slowly, looking to see if his truck was anywhere. Not seeing it, she knew where to go next.

* * *

As she drove north on highway 65, she thought about what she would say. She wanted to know why he'd left, why he hadn't waited, what was going on. She was ready now. For him, for a life with him, for a future with him. She'd known it for sure when they stood in the circle on the Opry stage. She knew it when Maddie challenged her, but she hadn't been ready to acknowledge it quite then. She didn't understand why he was hesitating. He'd told her before she'd called off the wedding that he'd always love her. She knew he still loved her. This, though, she didn't understand.

When she pulled into the drive at the cabin, she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw his truck. She parked next to it and slowly got out. She took a second to look out over the lake, looking to see if he was on the dock, but he was not. She walked up the steps to the porch, breathing in and out, trying to calm her shattered nerves and her wildly beating heart. When she got to the sliding doors, she could see him standing in the kitchen, facing away from her. This felt like the biggest moment of her life, the moment that was going to change everything.

She took a deep breath and opened the door. She walked in, closing the doors behind her. He turned to face her. She wasn't sure quite what she saw there, in his face, in his eyes, but she stood there for a moment, just looking at him, before she spoke.

"I called you like fifty times."


	2. Chapter 2

_**I hadn't originally planned this, but my reviewers asked about continuing the story and I thought 'what the heck?' So here's the rest of the story.**_

 **Rayna**

When she thought about it, this was harder than anything she'd gone through when Deacon was drinking. Back in those days, at least with her, he was always sorry, trying to fix things, trying to do right. But this time all he was doing was fighting her. She'd tried everything to try to get through to him, to get him to listen. She'd even busted up one of his guitars. But he was stubborn about this.

 _This is_ _my_ _cancer, this is_ _my_ _sickness,_ _I_ _get to decide this._

She felt it again. That swift, and harsh, kick in the stomach. _Cancer._ Never in a million years would she have guessed that was what was going on with him. And from everything he'd told her, it didn't sound good. It sounded bad, in fact, and she was scared out of her mind.

He'd told her right after she got there. After the shock of it, she'd dug deep down inside and put on her strong face and told him they'd do this together. Because, after all, that's why she was here. It was time for them to be together and she didn't care if he had cancer, they were going to be together, she was going to be strong for him, they'd be strong together, and fight this. But he'd said no. She almost couldn't believe it. He'd never told her no.

It had been a tough day. They had argued. She had pleaded. He'd rebuffed her. He'd gone off by himself, cutting wood or hanging out by the lake, or something. He'd hardly look at her. She felt sick to her stomach. She'd gone off herself, walking down the gravel road that led to this place, crying her heart out. _This can't be happening. I can't lose him again._ A cold chill ran through her. This time, when he left her, it could be for good. She cried again, so hard that she nearly made herself sick.

Finally she had to turn back. It was a cold day. It had been a cold winter in Nashville, with more snow than they'd had in years. And the cold seemed to just cling to the area, wouldn't let go. Just like her sorrow right now. She shivered, even though she had on a warm, lined jacket and her fleece lined boots. She ran her hands over her face, wiping away her tears and then she headed back.

Deacon met her about halfway. He looked a little worried at first, but then he looked away from her and they walked silently back to the cabin. The place he'd bought for her back when she was just making a name for herself, right after his first stay in rehab. They'd made a lot of good memories here, but there were bad ones as well. He'd asked her to marry him here, although he didn't remember it. Maddie had been conceived here. And this was the last place she'd seen him before she'd left him to marry Teddy. She hadn't been back here in over fourteen years, until the day she and Luke had tracked him down here.

When they got back, she sniffed the air. Something smelled really delicious and she realized she hadn't eaten since before she'd left the house. Deacon nodded towards the kitchen and told her there was a casserole, if she wanted some. She'd smiled a little to herself. Deacon must have learned to cook somewhere along the way. She fixed a plate and sat at the island, but in the end, she did little more than pick at the food.

As the afternoon wore on, she seemed no closer to changing his mind. She was beginning to wonder what to do next. She went outside and sat on the steps, wrapping her arms around herself, and willing herself not to cry. She couldn't believe how stubborn he was being. Not that he wasn't a stubborn man, because he was, about a lot of things. But usually, when it came to her, he'd come around more easily.

Darkness finally settled over the lake and the cabin. She felt beat up and drained. Her emotions had been all over the map and she had a headache, from the sadness and the despair and the dejection she felt. She was starting to think she should leave. The girls were on their own and she should probably get back home. He came out then, first standing beside her and then sitting next to her. He didn't ignore her, didn't argue with her, didn't fight with her. He talked about not disappointing Maddie and _her_. He finally acknowledged that he loved her, but in typical Deacon fashion, he couldn't see the forest for the trees. As long as she'd known him, he'd think the worst was going to happen and this was no exception. He was resolute, he told her. Then he left her sitting there. She stared out into the darkness, listening to the gentle lapping of the water.

She thought about what he'd said. Maybe it was for the best. It would surely be painful and it would be hard and, he was right, there was chance that it would end up in his death. She sat with that for a moment and then she realized that, if he was going to die, she didn't want to lose a minute with him. She wasn't okay with waiting to see how things would play out, because if he died, she got nothing. _They_ got nothing. And that just wasn't okay.

She decided she had to try one last time. She would speak from her heart. She felt sure he wanted to give in, but that he was afraid to, and she needed to let him know she was afraid too, but she was willing to take a chance anyway. She was resolute too. So she got up and walked toward the door.

 **Deacon**

It was hard having her in the house.

If he was honest with himself, he'd known she'd come here. He was sure she'd gone by his house first and, when she saw he wasn't there, she came here. He'd seen it in her eyes the night before. She was ready. She wanted that life he'd promised her, all those months ago, in her kitchen, after midnight on the night Luke Wheeler had proposed on one knee in front of seventy thousand people. She was ready for him to be the man she needed him to be, the husband and father he'd told her he was ready to be.

It nearly tore him up inside. That night, he'd been so ready. If she'd just said yes to him then, this wouldn't be happening. Oh, he knew the cancer would still be happening, but it wouldn't all feel so desperate, because they would have had some time, to feel like they had a lifetime ahead of them. They would have had the chance to count the future in double digit years, instead of _maybe_ double digit months. If they were lucky.

He'd known this was inevitable, telling her about his cancer. He hadn't really known how hard it would be to tell her what he'd decided, that he was not doing this with her, that he was not going to put her through that. He didn't want her watching him die. He couldn't have that. She fought him. He'd known she'd do that too. That was Rayna. She would never stop fighting, never stop trying. And maybe that was part of why he didn't want her to watch this. All he'd done, all the time they were together, was disappoint her. He didn't want to do it again.

As the day wore on, the tension got so thick you could cut it with a knife. She'd busted up one of his guitars, then stormed off. When she came back, they'd fought some more, and then it had finally become just this awkward silence. They inhabited the same space, but they weren't talking. He'd walked out to the dock and stood, just watching the breeze kick up the water, until he was so cold he couldn't stand out there any longer. When he came back in, she was upstairs, pacing back and forth.

He'd told her she should go home, be with the girls, that there was nothing left to say, nothing left for _them_. She'd argued with him again, but almost half-heartedly at that point. He'd left her standing in the middle of the living room and stalked off to his room, slamming the door behind him. He laid down on the bed, on his back facing the ceiling. He was angry at first, but then he found himself wondering why it had to be this way, why they couldn't just be together. Then he remembered – he was going to die. And the tears welled up and rolled down his face and he cried silently, because the woman he loved was standing in the next room and he couldn't put her through this.

* * *

He must have fallen asleep at some point. He woke with a start, not sure why. He rolled off the bed and rinsed his face off in the bathroom, then walked out into the living room. She wasn't there. He called out her name, but there was no answer, no sound in the house. He wondered if she'd left, but when he looked out the window, he saw her car.

He was hungry and he opened up the fridge and got out the casserole he'd taken out of the freezer the night before. He started the oven and waited for it to heat up. He smiled a little, thinking that in the days he and Rayna were together, they'd mostly eaten sandwiches and food out of a can. It was all they could afford, for one, but neither of them could cook. It was surprising sometimes they didn't starve.

Stacey had taught him to cook. She'd been appalled that he ate ravioli out of a can. She'd shown him some easy things to make and he found himself enjoying the act of cooking. Stacey was gone before he could learn anything more complicated than casseroles and simple meals. But he enjoyed the process, the one positive thing he'd taken away from that relationship.

He didn't worry about Rayna until the casserole was heated and out of the oven. Then he started to wonder where she could have gone. She wasn't right outside, down by the lake or anything. The sun was starting to go down and it would be dark soon. She hadn't been up here in a long time and he started to worry, so he pulled on a heavier jacket and headed out of the house and up the gravel road towards the highway.

When he came up on her, he'd felt an aching sense of relief. She looked like she'd been crying and he knew he was the cause of it. He felt his resolve weaken just a bit, seeing her in such distress. But then he remembered, he didn't want her to have to take care of him, and that bolstered him again. They walked silently back to the house, back to the strained silence between them.

* * *

He watched her as she sat at the top of the steps. He knew this was hard for her. It was hard for her to accept that he wanted to manage this himself, that he didn't want her to watch him die. He knew he was hurting her and he hated it, but he couldn't think of another way to do this. Still, he didn't want to fight with her anymore. They had a daughter and they still were going to have to tell her, together. And he knew it would be hard and Maddie would be devastated. He just couldn't hurt her any more than he already was. He couldn't make a life with Rayna and then pull the rug out from under their daughter. He'd had so little time with her and he wanted whatever was left to be as good as it could be.

He sighed. He needed to convince Rayna this was the right thing to do. He slowly walked towards the door.

 **Rayna**

She used all her weapons. She turned all his arguments back on him. Then she pulled out her last, best hope – that if they only had limited time, why not spend it together? Because if that was all they had, they needed to not waste the opportunity. Except she didn't get to finish, because he kissed her.

She could feel her tears and then she felt his as they came together finally. She felt like she was drowning in him, but she never wanted to stop. She could feel herself melt into his embrace and she clung to him, pulling him close, never wanting to let him go.

 **Deacon**

He sat down in the chair. He could see her still sitting at the top of the steps where he'd left her. He'd been so sure of his position that morning. He still felt sure he should protect them, not put this on them, but as he watched her still sitting there, his heart ached. He wanted her. He knew that. He didn't want to leave her, and the thought of living whatever time he had left without her left him feeling empty inside.

Suddenly she was standing in front of him, telling him all the reasons they should take advantage of the time they had, however long that was. He could feel his resolve crumbling again. And then, when she knelt in front of him and put her hands on his, he decided that she was right, that they needed to take what they could.

Then he had taken her in his arms and he was kissing her and his tears were mixing with hers and it felt desperate but necessary, that they be together.

 **The sex**

When she'd shown up on his doorstep that long ago night, after the Nashville show for the Red Lips/White Lies tour, after Stacey had walked out, and she was supposed to go to St. Lucia with Liam, even though it had been fourteen years since they'd been together, everything seemed to move in slow motion. They'd wanted to relish every single second and so nothing had been rushed. They'd taken time to look at each other, touch each other, reintroduce themselves to each other. As much as they'd hungered for each other, it had felt like they had the rest of their lives for each other and they could take their time.

But this time didn't feel like that. It was as though there was an hourglass off to the side, with the sands steadily falling from the top to the bottom. And when all the sand was in the bottom, their time was done. Not knowing what the future would bring or whether there was an imminent definitive end, it felt like they couldn't waste a second. They pulled each other's clothes off, his lips taking hers roughly, her pulling him into her quickly. While they took the time to touch and feel and relish and rejoice in their joining together, they also felt a need that seemed bigger than it ever had before, and they didn't waste a second.

It was rough and it was primal and it was overwhelming, and she cried out with her need and he cried out with his. She gasped in the midst of her pleasure, calling his name again and again, and, to his ears, it sounded like a caress. He buried his face in her shoulder and her neck, breathing his words of love into her ear, and to her it felt like she'd come home. And as they held each other tightly, as their breathing slowly returned to normal, each one looked deep into the other's eyes and found the healing solace they'd been looking for.

 **The aftermath**

There were no regrets, only a sense of peace and rightness. Being able to hold each other again, love each other again, touch each other again, felt like the sweetest gift. Talking again, like lovers, instead of in stilted sentences, trying to be mindful of boundaries.

For a few moments, it even felt like they had all the time in the world. They talked about mundane things and laughed together. They kissed and touched and that led them to make love again, this time slowing it down.

But then, everything sped up again, as they hurried to dress and drive back to Nashville, him following her, back to the real world and real life and all that awaited them outside their bubble of rediscovered love.

 **Maddie**

All she'd wanted, for months, was for her parents to get back together. When she'd seen them holding hands at the Opry, she'd been hopeful, but then he'd had seemed distracted and left immediately after he'd sang with her mom. She could tell something wasn't right and she knew it for sure that morning when her mom came to tell her she had to go to work. Maddie didn't believe her, but she hoped it meant she finally was ready to fix things with her dad. Her mom had looked so sad the night before, although she'd tried to hide it, and now she looked tired and anxious.

As the day went on, she wondered what was really happening. She tried calling her mom once, but got voice mail. She and Daphne were fine, but it was odd that she'd been gone so long.

Finally, long after dark had settled in, she heard her mom call out to them, and she and Daphne hurried down the stairs. And there they were. Together. Holding hands. Looking happy. _Are you…are you together? Like together together?_ When they both nodded and said yes and looked so happy, she thought her heart would burst from it.

Life was going to be sooo much better now.

 **Deacon**

He followed Rayna back to Belle Meade. He smiled to himself. She still drove too fast. But when he thought about what was to come, he didn't want to rush. He didn't want to have to tell Maddie in one breath that he and Rayna were together again and then, in the next, tell her he could be dying.

He felt tears run down his face and he brushed them away. He hadn't been her daddy long enough. He'd missed almost fourteen years of knowing she was his and they'd tried, over the last year, to make up for all that time, by cramming as much as they could into the time they spent together. He'd missed her first words, her first steps, her first time riding a bike, her first days at school. But they'd made beautiful music together and he'd been able to nurture her amazing talent. And slowly, but surely, they'd built a solid father-daughter relationship together. He was so proud to be her dad.

Now he'd miss all the other milestones of her life. First love, getting married, having babies, her career. It didn't seem fair. In the beginning, when he'd first been diagnosed, he'd blamed himself. And it was true that had he not struggled for so long with his drinking, they might not be in this place. But the stakes were so much higher now. He wanted to fight, for his daughter's sake, and for Rayna's. He had been and he still would, but he wondered if that would be enough.

So this was going to be the worst part. Worse even than telling Rayna. This was telling his little girl. The daughter he hadn't had nearly enough time with. He and Rayna had talked about how they would tell them. Maddie _and_ Daphne, because they both needed to know. He didn't want to do what he'd done with Rayna, just rip the band aid off, but subtlety and flowery words weren't really his forte.

He'd asked her what to do, what to say. She'd told him to just tell the truth. Tell them what he knew, no more, no less. _But what if they want to know if I'm gonna die?_ That was a hard one. _Tell them the truth._

As they walked into Rayna's house together, she took his hand, squeezing it encouragingly, asking him if he was ready. With her by his side, he was. But it didn't mean he wasn't scared. Rayna was right though. _Tell them the truth._

So they did.

* * *

It had been a hard night. After a long and difficult day – that had been amazing for a few short hours – it had turned difficult again. He'd tried to be honest, be clinical even, as he talked to Maddie and Daphne. He found out he had undiagnosed cirrhosis of the liver and it had turned into cancer. His tumor was growing, and he couldn't have chemo or radiation. He was waiting on a liver. That was the only cure, the only way to beat it. He was doing everything else he could – eating right, taking medications and supplements, letting Scarlett try all her holistic stuff. But he was waiting for a liver.

At first Maddie was quiet. She listened carefully, asked a few questions, seemed to process it. In the silence, he felt like he needed to be reassuring. Or at least try to be. He said again, he was doing everything he could and that right then he felt good, didn't feel sick. That he was hopeful a donor liver would be found. That he had a lot to live for now and he wanted to be around for it all.

That's when she started crying and he couldn't stand it. She put her face in her hands and she had sobbed, heartrending sobs, gasping for breath. He'd put his hands on her arms and leaned in, putting his head to hers to try to comfort her. He felt like his own heart was breaking, having to disappoint his girl.

When she finally stopped crying, she asked the question he dreaded. _Are you going to die?_

He'd looked briefly at Rayna and she'd given him that tiny nod and a look in her eyes that said she was right there. _I don't want to and I'm gonna do everything I can not to._

 **Maddie**

 _This sucks. Just when everything is right with the world, it's not._

 _My dad's gonna die and I'm so pissed off I don't know what to do._

 _I just got him and it's so not fair._

 **Rayna**

Telling the girls was tough. She thought Deacon had done a great job. He'd worried that he wouldn't say the right thing, but the one thing she'd always known about him, in spite of everything, was that he was a good man, a caring man, a man who loved fully and completely. He was careful with their daughter, explaining everything truthfully, but trying to give her hope. But as she'd held Maddie, she thought it might take some time before she could come to terms with it.

She was so glad they'd done it together. She had thought, when she was driving home, how hard it would have been to do it on her own. She just hoped that they fact that they were together now would give both girls some sense of stability in this world that had just turned upside down.

She'd known it would be hard, was going to continue to be hard. But it had been important to her for her girls to see true love. That's what she'd told Deacon and she meant it. He was her one true love and she wanted Maddie and Daphne to see what that looked like. To know how beautiful that was.

She didn't believe Deacon was going to die. She was certain that a donor would be found and he would be alright. She couldn't think anything else. And she would help Maddie find that same certainty.

 **Deacon**

They had stayed up as long as the girls did. They both were quiet, not saying much, but he and Rayna wanted to be there if they had questions or wanted to talk. He could tell that Rayna was exhausted. She'd finally told him she'd been awake most of the night before, and so he sent her to bed. He sat with Maddie for a long time, with his arm around her. She'd start crying periodically and he'd hold her closer, but there weren't a lot of words to say.

Finally, both girls drifted off on the couch in the living room, although he heard them both later in the night, roaming the house, likely not able to sleep long because of everything that had happened.

He'd gone to tell Rayna he was leaving, but she'd clung to his hand and asked him to stay. He only hesitated a second, then climbed onto the bed with her. She rolled towards him, laying her hand on his chest and putting her head on his shoulder. He'd put his arm around her shoulders and laid his other hand on hers. She moved her leg to drape across his.

In spite of everything that had happened that day, this felt right.

"I love you, Ray."

"I love you too, babe."

And finally they slept, the way they'd slept together for years, just like no time at all had gone by.


	3. Chapter 3

_**After I wrote the second chapter, someone suggested that I write a chapter for each of the rest of the season 3 episodes, so…here we go!**_

 **Rayna**

When she woke up she was almost startled to find herself not alone. Almost. She smiled to herself as she felt Deacon's even breathing. Then she felt tears prick her eyes. As wonderful as it was to have him back in her life and here in her bed, even if they were both fully dressed, it wasn't a completely happy situation. He'd told her just the day before that he had liver cancer, that he was waiting on a transplant, and that his prognosis wasn't good. When she thought too hard about that, her heart would nearly stop beating. She was going to figure something out, though. She wasn't letting him leave her again.

She needed to get up, because she had Juliette's baby shower that afternoon. She rolled her eyes. Juliette had been just about the most demanding person she'd ever known, during her pregnancy, and that was saying a lot, even for Juliette. Luckily, Juliette's assistant – what was her name? Emily? – had done most of the work. They'd invited everyone, but Rayna was worried that most of them wouldn't show up. Juliette had not endeared herself to very many people in the country music community.

She hated to leave this bed, hated to leave Deacon, but she did anyway. She moved slowly, hoping not to wake him. He'd stayed up much later than she did, talking to Maddie. Telling the girls about Deacon's cancer had been hard. She'd known they'd be upset, but she hadn't been prepared for how heartbroken Maddie was. But Maddie and Deacon had developed a tight bond over the past year and she was sure they'd support each other.

She crept out of bed carefully and stood for a moment, looking down at the man she loved more than life itself. He shifted slightly and his face rearranged itself in a frown, for a moment, but he didn't wake up. She let herself out of the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind her. She walked down the hall to the kitchen, noticing the girls sprawled out on the couch in the den, sound asleep. She rinsed out the coffee pot and put a new filter in the coffee maker, measuring out coffee, adding water, and then turning it on.

She heard footsteps and looked up. Her heart nearly sang as Deacon rounded the corner. She was so happy he was here.

 **Deacon**

He woke up and, at first, wasn't sure where he was. But then he remembered he was at Rayna's, had slept with her curled up next to him all night long. That made him smile. But he realized she wasn't in the bed and he sat up. He looked over at the clock and saw that it was still early, not quite 7:00. They'd both had a restless night, with everything that had happened, and he wanted to see how the girls were doing.

He sat on the edge of the bed and put on his boots, then walked out towards the kitchen. When he rounded the corner and saw Rayna standing at the coffee pot, she took his breath away. He'd about given up hope they would ever do these kinds of mundane things together again and now they were. And for however long he had, they'd continue to do them. And that, more than anything, gave him hope.

 **Rayna**

She hated leaving him. The last twenty-four hours had been a series of highs and lows, with stressful emotions filling every crevice. She'd been exhausted but unable to truly rest. She was worried about the girls. Maddie had been hard to read. She'd been mostly quiet and introspective once Deacon's news had settled in. She felt sure that her daughter would have some hard times to come.

But standing at the kitchen island with Deacon, drinking coffee and talking about family things – _their_ family, finally – felt so normal and right. Even if they were talking about the aftermath of Deacon's news, it still felt like they were a team, and she knew then that she'd finally made the right decisions about her life.

Her phone rang then and her day turned crazy. Sadie was at the jail, having shot her ex-husband. Juliette's baby shower was that day and she was hosting, only that was going to go out the window now. None of it was good, but the worst part was that, just when she had gotten him back, she had to leave him. But knowing he was here, in her house, with her girls, that felt so right.

 **Deacon**

He watched her as she walked back to the bedroom to take a quick shower. Then he turned back to watch the girls, still sleeping on the couches. He felt a lump in his throat and tears pressing against his eyes. He'd waited so long for this and, no matter how he tried to tell himself otherwise, he was afraid this wouldn't end well. He found himself wondering, again, if he should have been stronger, stood his ground. It was going to devastate him, if he had to leave her, as much as he knew it would devastate her to be left.

When she walked back in the kitchen, though, and put her arms around his waist and leaned into him, as though she were drawing strength from him, he knew it was worth it.

As he watched her walk out the door, he closed his eyes for only a second, thinking Sadie Stone was damn lucky to have Rayna Jaymes in her camp. And that he was damn lucky to have Rayna Jaymes back in his life.

 **Maddie**

When she woke up, her head hurt. Her eyes felt like she had sand in them. Her stomach hurt.

She thought nothing could have been worse than the night she'd found out that her dad wasn't her dad, that she was Deacon Claybourne's daughter instead of Teddy Conrad's. It had hurt so bad, then, to find out her mom had lied to her about who she was, and then she wasn't even sure she knew who she was anymore.

It had taken her a while before she'd been ready to deal with everything that had changed and before she was ready to reach out to the man who was her father. But once she did, day by day things got better. She felt more at ease with him again. They seemed to find their way, building this new relationship.

She remembered the first time she'd called him "Dad". He'd teared up a little and it seemed like that's when all the pieces fell into place and they really started to form a bond. She'd always loved him, but now it was different. She couldn't really put into words what had changed or how it had changed, but it had. She just knew that now, when she thought of her dad, the one she thought of first was Deacon.

Only now, she didn't know what was going to happen. She didn't understand everything he'd told them the night before. Except that he was sick and that if he didn't get a liver transplant, he would die. She was so scared. She'd only just found him as her father and she didn't want to lose him. She hadn't known exactly how to feel the night before and so she'd just cried and let him hold her.

But now her head hurt and her stomach hurt and her eyes felt scratchy. She could feel him watching her, waiting. And she couldn't even look at him or she thought she might lose it.

 **Deacon**

He had this overwhelming desire to cry. He felt like that a lot these days. Everything felt so close to the skin, he often wondered how long he might have, how many more memories he'd get to make, so everything felt raw. But this actually made his heart hurt, so much that he thought it might break in two.

His daughter, the light of his life, the person he loved more than almost anyone, could hardly speak to him, wouldn't look at him, was calling him "Deacon" instead of "Dad". He knew what was happening to him was painful for her, just like it was for him. But he needed her, just like he needed Rayna. They were his family and he needed them. To watch his daughter walk away from him, slam the door and lock him out, broke his heart.

He wanted to crawl up inside himself, like he'd always done before when things got tough. He'd kept the news of his cancer to himself for months, letting it eat away at him. He'd stayed away from the people he loved because he couldn't bear the thought of losing them. He wasn't good at this kind of thing, didn't know the right things to say. He didn't want to overreact or say something that would push Maddie even farther away from him.

As he stood there, looking down the hall after Maddie had slammed the door to Scarlett's room, he told Rayna everything was good. She didn't need this when she was dealing with Sadie's business. She needed to believe he could handle this, even if he had no idea what to do.

 **Maddie**

 _I've got to get out of here. I can't stay in this place. I can't deal with this right now._

She needed some time and space to figure this out. Her father was dying and there wasn't anything she could do about it. She was terrified. She wasn't at all sure she could handle it. In her mind, she saw him lying in a casket and she nearly lost her mind from it.

It was why she'd called her other dad. She felt like she was suffocating in this house. She didn't know how to talk about it and she needed to be someplace where death wasn't in the air.

 _This isn't fair!_

 **Rayna**

While she waited in her car for her lawyer to arrive at the police station, she thought about Deacon. Although she knew they had to deal with his illness and figure out what was next, she wanted to just put all that aside and rejoice in the fact that they'd finally found their way back to each other. She didn't want to think beyond that yet, wasn't ready yet to face all her fears.

She was worried about her girls, especially Maddie. She'd watched her older daughter pull into herself, something she'd always done and that Rayna had never realized was so like Deacon until the truth had finally come out. She was afraid that Maddie wouldn't talk about what she was feeling and that she would turn away from her father, when he really needed her most. She wanted to help her daughter through this but she realized she wasn't even sure how she would navigate it all herself.

She wanted to cry. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. When she'd decided she was ready to have Deacon back in her life, it was supposed to be magical and wonderful, not so achingly painful. She thought about being in his arms at the cabin, making love to him, and she'd forgotten in those few moments that he was sick, maybe dying, and had just felt relief that she didn't have to fight her feelings for him anymore. It had felt so good to put everything else aside except for the love. But when they'd walked into her house and faced the prospect of telling Maddie and Daphne the truth, it had been sobering.

But it was real life. She thought about the song she and Maddie had written.

 _This is where the heartbeat hits the road.  
This is where your dream becomes your soul.  
This is real life, don't let it pass you by, laugh and cry.  
This is real life, sometimes we love, sometimes we fight._

She wasn't going to let any of it pass her by. She was determined they would make every single minute count, for however long they had. She still held out hope that a donor would be found and Deacon would live. She decided then she would get tested. She knew Deacon wouldn't like it, would probably forbid her to do it, but she'd do it without telling him, if she had to. She'd do anything for him, she knew that clearly now, and she was determined not to lose him now that she finally had him back.

 **Deacon**

It had hurt him to know that Maddie had called Teddy. When he had walked out the front door to meet Teddy on the walk, he was angry. Teddy started off being his usual jackass self, feeling all self-important about his position in Maddie's life. He hadn't necessarily meant to tell Teddy about his cancer, but he'd heard himself struggle with why he felt he needed to handle this, why he needed to figure this out with Maddie. So he'd blurted it out. He had been surprised at Teddy's compassion and his offer to help Maddie understand why she needed to stay and work it out.

Teddy was back in Scarlett's bedroom with Maddie for a long time. He and Daphne had waited to see what would happen. He tried distracting her with a song, but neither of them could stay focused on it. Eventually he heard the door open and close and then footsteps coming down the hall.

He looked up hopefully, but his heart dropped when he saw only Teddy. _She's struggling. I'd give her some time. I think she'll come around soon._ He put his head in his hands, worried she couldn't deal with it. They might not have much time and he didn't want to miss spending any of it with her.

Daphne ended up staying – to keep him company, she'd said – and he'd given her a guitar lesson, much like he'd done so many afternoons with Maddie. They watched TV and waited out Maddie. He'd tried to get her to come out for lunch, but she wouldn't budge.

It made his heart hurt – he felt a sense of desperation as the hours moved on and she stayed locked in that room. In the past, he'd always felt like he had all the time in the world. He'd waited for Rayna for all those years and, although he'd marked the time in days and weeks and months and years, it had always felt like there was enough of it. That he could just wait as long as it took. But now he didn't know if he had time and he needed to not lose any more time with his daughter than he had to.

More than once that day, he stood at the end of the hallway and looked at the closed door, trying to will her to open it. _Please, sweet girl, open the door._

 **Daphne**

She felt sad for Deacon. She didn't understand it all, but what she did understand was that Deacon was really sick. But he didn't look sick, he looked fine. Like he always did.

She felt bad for Maddie. Her sister had been so upset. In the middle of the night, she'd heard Maddie crying softly and she got up and sat next to her sister, rubbing her back and smoothing her hair, until she'd fallen back asleep.

Deacon and her mom were back together. For a few brief minutes, there had been lots of smiles and Maddie's happy tears. Tears that had turned sad. In the midst of all the joy, though, she didn't know quite how to feel. But her mom had reached out and pulled her in, so that felt pretty good.

When her dad had come by Deacon's house, she'd walked out on the porch with him before he left. He'd asked her if she wanted to come home with him, that she didn't have to stay. But she wanted to stay. She thought Maddie might need her, but she really thought Deacon needed somebody. He said he understood, but she thought maybe it made him a little sad. So she'd hugged him and told him she loved him and that she'd be okay and would see him soon.

And now she was waiting for Maddie, with Deacon. And she felt really grateful that _her_ dad was okay.

 **Rayna**

 _God, I wish Avery would hurry up and get here._

The day had just seemed to go from bad to worse. As much as she wanted to help Sadie and as torn as she felt about helping Juliette, this was not where she wanted to be, or needed to be. She'd had to force herself to stay focused on these other people who needed her and she found herself wishing all these people didn't need her so much. Especially not today.

As much as she and Deacon had talked about keeping things as normal as possible, there was nothing normal about this. He had cancer. Basically terminal cancer, if a donor couldn't be found. Nobody knew how much time they might have. Hell, no one knew how much time they had anyway, but they'd already wasted so much of it. _She'd_ wasted so much of it. She didn't want to waste anymore.

 _Damn. Where is Avery?_

 **Maddie**

She'd been mad, at first, when her dad told her she had to stay. She just couldn't face Deacon. She had an aching pit in her stomach every time she thought about it. She kept reliving the whole awful conversation the night before. _I wish I didn't have to tell you this, but I have cancer. It's been there for a long time and I didn't know it, so the only thing I can do is get a transplant. So I'm on this list and I'm just waiting._

When she'd asked him if he was going to die, he'd told her he didn't know. If he didn't get the transplant, he would, but they were still hopeful they'd find a liver for him. _What if they don't find a liver? He'll die. He hasn't been my dad long enough and he's going to die._ She started crying again. She didn't seem to be able to stop. And she couldn't make herself walk out of Scarlett's room, even though she knew she should.

When she finally came out to face him, it hurt so bad. Her heart felt like it was going to explode and her stomach hurt. He wasn't mad, just wanted her to talk to him, not shut him out. She didn't want to, but she was angry that it was all happening. But he just stood there and looked at her, like she'd torn his heart out, and she couldn't stand it anymore. She was still scared, still angry, still uncertain about what was to come. But she didn't want him to think she didn't love him, so she walked over to him and let him pull her into a comforting hug.

 _Please don't leave me, Dad. Please._

 **Rayna**

 _God, I didn't think this day would ever end. I need to get home. To Deacon._

 **Deacon**

By the time he got the girls back to Rayna's, he was exhausted. Physically and emotionally. Maddie still seemed fragile, so he didn't push. He'd listened to Rayna's messages from throughout the day and had to smile. As tough a day as he'd felt he'd had, hers was undoubtedly worse. He sat on the couch to wait for her and fell asleep almost immediately.

 **Rayna**

She felt her heart beat faster when she pulled into the driveway and saw Deacon's truck parked there. She hurried in the house, anxious to see him. Her heart melted as she saw him asleep on the couch. He woke just as she approached and sat down and leaned into him.

"You're here."

"Yeah, I'm here."

It was all that mattered. As hectic a day as it had been, as much as she hadn't wanted to leave him, or her girls, he was here. And that meant it was all real. They would find a way, somehow. Now that he was here, she wasn't letting him go.

 _ **Thanks so much for all your reviews!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Episode 18 – "Nobody Knows But Me"**_

 **Deacon**

They'd been together for three weeks. Three of the best weeks of his life. They didn't talk much about his illness, although she had gone to his last doctor's appointment with him. She'd been really good about not pressing too much, which he knew was against her nature. She'd accepted that he still wanted to keep the news private for now, even though he knew she didn't really understand it. But he didn't want people feeling sorry for him, or looking at him differently. He just couldn't handle that.

They spent as much time together as they could. She'd let Bucky handle all but the most important things at the label, so that they could be together. She kept asking him to move in, but he wasn't sure the girls were ready for it. Maddie, mostly. She still was skittish around him and he wanted to move carefully.

Sometimes he'd spend the night, but he was always careful to get up early, before the girls were up for school. Rayna thought he was being silly, but he thought it was the right thing to do at the moment.

He kept hoping things would change with Maddie, but the longer her distance went on, the worse he felt. It hurt his heart and even Rayna couldn't make him feel better about it.

 **Rayna**

She'd been surprised the day Deacon asked her to go with him to his doctor's appointment. They hadn't talked much about his cancer, since he'd told her. She'd sensed that it was hard for him to talk about and, seeing as how he still wasn't telling people about it, she wanted to respect his right to be private.

When she met Dr. Rand, she found it hard to believe he was old enough to be a doctor. He looked not a whole lot older than Maddie and it made her want to giggle. But he was a patient man, taking the time to answer her questions. When she sensed that Deacon was uncomfortable listening to all of that, she stopped. But later that day, she'd called to make an appointment with the doctor by herself.

Over an hour and a half after she'd walked in, she'd left feeling less confident than before. Dr. Rand explained the tumor was still growing, that every time they'd done an MRI, it was larger and, without a donor in sight, they were getting increasingly closer to the time when it would be too late even for a transplant. She had cried and he'd handed her a tissue and waited until she'd gotten control of her emotions.

He explained about living donors and she'd immediately asked him about being tested. But her blood type was A, which meant she wouldn't be a match. Because she wanted to know, in case Maddie asked at some point, she had inquired about the minimum age and had breathed a sigh of relief that their daughter was too young.

He'd encouraged her to keep Deacon's spirits up, to stay positive. He talked about how a patient's mental attitude could go a long way toward helping them, if not recover, at least prolong life. He'd already sensed that Deacon's inclination was to pull into himself and not talk about what he was feeling, or get angry, things that weren't uncommon for those dealing with cancer. But he was worried that Deacon wasn't sharing enough, building his support system, which, he'd told Rayna, would be a godsend, not only to him but to her.

When she got to her car, she sat and cried. She wanted to be strong for Deacon, but this was so much more challenging than anything they'd faced back in the days he'd been drinking. She wanted so much for him to just move in with her and the girls, so they could take advantage of all the time they had. She didn't want to believe that he wouldn't beat this, but she was terrified. She wasn't sure how she would go on without him. He'd always been there and she couldn't face the prospect that he wouldn't always be there.

When her tears finally stopped, she wiped her face and took a few deep breaths. She hoped she could be as strong as he thought she was. She knew she was going to need to be.

 **Maddie**

She was quiet in the car with Colt, as he drove her home. The closer they got, she felt the pit in her stomach grow larger. Ever since her dad had told them he had cancer, she'd spent more and more time with Colt at his dad's ranch. It felt normal. There was laughing and fun, and for a little while she didn't have to think about her father dying. Being at home had felt sad and depressing.

She knew her parents were both trying to keep things normal, but nothing felt normal. Everything felt forced. It should have felt good, having her parents back together, but it really didn't.

* * *

She was so angry with her mom. How dare she lecture about lying, when she had told the biggest lie of all. And because of that lie, Maddie had missed thirteen years with her dad. She couldn't look at her mom. Maybe she thought this little bit of time was enough and that Maddie should be grateful for it, but she couldn't be. This hurt so, so bad.

 **Rayna**

Maddie lying was concerning. They'd always been close and any issues they'd had usually blew over quickly. Maddie had certainly been angry with her after finding out that Deacon was her father, but she'd never really experienced her lying before. She realized that they'd been building up to this ever since Deacon had told her he had cancer. Not just the lying, but the pulling away, from both of them, not engaging, staying away from home so much. It made sense now.

The disrespect, though, had been unsettling. She didn't like it and she hoped it was just temporary. She didn't have time to deal with Maddie acting out, along with everything else she was having to juggle in her life.

She had mixed feelings about Maddie seeing Colt Wheeler. For one thing, he was Luke's son. She thought back to the day they'd caught the two of them making out at Luke's, back when she was still engaged to Luke, and that reporter was with her. That had sent her down a slippery slope, sharing private information about her relationship with Deacon that she'd never thought she would, in exchange for the reporter's silence. She'd thought that was the end of it, that with the end of the engagement that was the end of that experimentation, but apparently it was not.

 _Maddie's too young for this._ Except that she hadn't been a whole lot older than Maddie when she'd first met Deacon. And she was living with him by the time she was eighteen. So it was hard for her to totally deny her daughter the chance to have her first romance. She just wished it wasn't Colt.

She thought about how to tell Deacon about it. He was so protective of Maddie that she felt sure he'd hate it. Plus the fact that it was Luke Wheeler's son. She was glad, though, that they would be dealing with this together. Just like they would all the other trials and tribulations of having a teenaged daughter. It felt good knowing they would share all this together now. For the rest of their lives.

 **Deacon**

He wished he'd never told anyone about his cancer. He wished he'd just done what he'd thought about in the beginning – leave Nashville and live out whatever time he had left somewhere else. Somewhere he wasn't faced with leaving behind the people he loved, or having to tell people he was sick and watch them pity him. Someplace far away, where he wouldn't be a burden. Except, when he was honest with himself, he knew he would never have truly been able to do that.

It weighed on him. All the time. It was worse than when he drank. At least then, he knew that at some point, he'd get over the hangover, he'd wash off the stink, and he'd be sober. At least for a while. But there was no finality to it, in those days, not really. He knew he had a lot of life to still live. Now he didn't.

This weighed on everyone else too. Scarlett, who'd blamed him for a bad date when she spent the entire time talking about him and his cancer. Rayna, who was trying so hard to keep his spirits up and who pretended it wasn't happening and that they had all the time in the world. Maddie, who couldn't look at him or talk to him. Even Daphne, who, although she tried to stay upbeat, was taking on too much for a little girl.

He couldn't write. He'd spent a lifetime writing songs about Rayna. First they were happy songs, full of love and hope, then they were desperate songs, filled with promises he'd do better. After she'd married Teddy, they were songs of longing and pain or songs about how she'd done him wrong or let him down. Lonely songs. It had become his stock in trade. Only now, the darkness and the sadness were too raw and too close to the surface for him to put the words to paper.

He had no idea why he'd thought he could help Juliette write a song. To be fair, he didn't know what she was looking for when she'd asked him to help. It seemed like a way to get outside of himself for a while. But he'd ended up walking out on her and then he'd walked out on Rayna too.

He was sitting at his house, in the dark, not sure what to do next. He remembered Rayna's words at the cabin. _I don't understand why you choose to step away when things get tough. I've been watching you do it your whole life. Please don't do that now._ He felt the tears in his eyes. He was doing it again. He was walking away when things got tough, instead of standing up and fighting. He'd told Rayna he'd fight. He'd told the girls he would fight. Yet here he was, sitting all alone in a dark house, feeling sorry for himself and sorry he'd let anyone in.

Then he heard the vibrating of his phone. He reached over and picked it up and saw that it was a text from Rayna. _Layla's opening tonight at the Bridgestone and I need to be there. Can you check on Maddie? She's home alone._ He sat and looked at the text, then rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand. He took a deep breath and then responded back. _Headed over there now._

 **Rayna**

She didn't really want to leave Maddie at home by herself. She wished Deacon hadn't left in such a snit. She needed him to be there, if not for her, for their daughter. Things hadn't improved with respect to Maddie's attitude and, now that she knew Maddie and Colt were supposed to go to the Jade St. John concert, she was apprehensive about leaving her. So she was relieved that Deacon agreed to go to the house, that regardless of where things stood for them, he was still focused on being Maddie's dad.

She'd also known she couldn't keep asking Bucky forever to take over for her. Highway 65 was her label and she needed to be around to support her artists. She'd confided in Bucky about Deacon's condition, just so he knew what was going on behind the scenes. As she had expected, he was immediately supportive as well as discreet. Tonight, though, she needed to support her newest, and arguably most fragile, artist, on her biggest stage. She had no idea how Layla had managed to snag a spot as an opener for the pop princess, but she needed to be there to support her.

As she drove towards the Bridgestone, her thoughts went back to Deacon. His walking out had reminded her so much of their early days. His gut reaction, whenever he was faced with a challenge, was to walk away. She knew he didn't trust himself, that his family history had scarred him badly, and he did that to protect both himself and others around him. But as time went on, it became a habit, no matter how big or small the challenge. She'd never really been able to break him of it and he'd continued it, even after their relationship had ended. But she thought the night at the cabin had been a breakthrough, and he'd continued to step up, at least with her and the girls. Until this.

But, to be fair, everything had changed. Back in the old days, they were just fighting his addiction demons. Of course, they'd seemed massive and nearly insurmountable – and they were – but this, him facing his own mortality, was something else entirely. The stakes were higher, the uncertainty was greater, the chance for pain and loss infinitely larger. He was still internalizing, but when faced with possible death, she supposed it was harder to deal with, harder to articulate.

She knew he was afraid – actually terrified – of dying. She could feel the tension and stress in his body, the tightness of his muscles, could see the strain on his face and around his eyes. She wanted nothing more than to soothe him, to wipe all of that away, but she knew they were starting to run out of options. Deacon had finally told her about Beverly's refusal to continue the testing protocol, even though she was an initial match, and she could sense his resignation.

She prayed silently that somehow, something would turn this all around. That they wouldn't run out of time. She had felt so confident, and still did, but it was starting to fray slightly around the edges.

 **Maddie**

The only person she talked to about her dad's cancer was Colt. He'd been great, promising her he wouldn't tell anyone else, even his dad. She couldn't talk to her dad about it. She still could hardly look at him. She knew it was a secret, that he wouldn't tell anyone else, and that was confusing. It was hard not to act like nothing was wrong, that she hadn't gotten both the best news and the worst news of her life in the space of five minutes.

She could tell Colt about being afraid her dad would die. She could tell him how worried she was that he would start to act sick, even though he didn't now. She'd told him there hadn't been enough time for them to do the things that dads and daughters should do together. But then they'd do something else, like listen to music, or ride horses, or sit by the pool and that's where she could laugh and smile and have fun, for a little while. The stuff she couldn't do at home.

She hated being in her house. There was such incredible sadness there, all the time. It had been worth the secrecy or the lies or whatever it was, just to not have to face that.

 **Deacon**

He didn't want to make Maddie sad. He hadn't ever intended to do that. He would never be comfortable just telling other people what was happening to him, but he realized now he needed to let in the people close to him. He didn't want people feeling sorry for him, and he was pretty sure that would probably still happen, but he was also tired of thinking about being sick all the time. He guessed that if it was out in the open, eventually he could live his life out in the open, instead of under the covers.

He wasn't embarrassed to be sick – he was mostly angry and a little bitter about it – but he could see where Maddie might have thought so. He also realized that he'd pushed Rayna away, the one thing he didn't want to do again. He wasn't used to putting himself out there like that, but he guessed he needed to.

It felt strange to be talking to Maddie about a boyfriend. His daughter. He hadn't been around for the other milestones in her life, but he was sure getting tested now. He wished she chosen someone other than Luke Wheeler's son, but he guessed since he and Rayna were on the other side of that now, maybe he could afford to be at least a little charitable about it.

He also needed to talk to Rayna about her suggestion that he move in. He thought maybe he was ready for that now.

 **Rayna**

When she turned and saw him approach the backstage area, she felt the same tingles she'd always felt when she was near him. She couldn't help but smile, because there he was, the love of her life. Finally after all this time, they could be together, with no secrets between them, no person standing in their way. She could forget about his cancer, about the uncertainty of the future, when she looked at him and he looked at her. Nothing else mattered but that they were together again.

 _Let's go home,_ she said, when he told her he was tired. _Home_. It was wherever they were together, but she also felt like it was the place where they were together. She needed him with her and she felt like he needed to be with her too. And the girls. It was time to be a family, to experience those mundane moments together that built a life, to work through the challenges of raising up their girls.

He wasn't running away from her anymore, he was running to her. It was time.

 **Maddie**

She was sure he didn't just come over every morning. In fact, she knew it. She'd woken up early one morning, just a few days earlier, to the sound of tires on gravel. When she'd gotten up and looked out the window, she was sure it was his truck, driving out through the gate. After all, who else could it be? She'd looked at the clock beside her bed and it said just after 5 AM. Then he was there before 7:30, before she and Daphne had to leave for school, acting like he'd just come over. She'd hidden a smile while she got yogurt out of the fridge.

Now that things were out in the open, about her and Colt, about her dad's cancer, it wasn't so tense. She'd decided she was ready for him to be around all the time, needed him to be, actually. So she'd tried to be casual, just throwing it out there that maybe he should move in.

But something in the way they looked at each other made her think it had already been discussed.

 **Deacon**

Maddie had thrown it out there. _Why don't you just move in?_ Daphne had seconded the notion. Rayna had given him that look that said 'I'm right again'.

It was a Saturday, filled with family activity, and there wasn't time to talk about it again until late that night, after the girls had gone to bed, and he and Rayna had settled into her bed. She was nestled up against him, her head on his shoulder. He had his arms around her.

"So, you're gonna move in, right?" she asked, looking up at him with a mischievous smile.

He had grinned and laughed a little. "Yeah, I'm gonna move in," he said.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Episode 19 – "The Storm Has Just Begun"**_

 **Rayna**

There was no big moving day. All he really did was bring his clothes and some other items, over a several day period. But when she walked in the bedroom and saw his clothes in her closet and in her dresser, a guitar in its stand by a chair, his toothbrush and razor in the bathroom, it made her feel warm and tingly all over.

He was really here. This was going to be their life. The two of them and Maddie and Daphne. It felt right and good. No matter what happened in the future, this was real life.

 **Maddie**

She was happy. After they'd finally gotten past all the mixed up stuff, she had what she'd wanted for all these months. They were all in one house, under one roof, doing everything together.

She'd even forget sometimes that he was sick. The only thing that was different about him was that he seemed to get tired more easily, but it was easy to think everything would be okay, that their lives would just go on like this.

She was happy. Life was really good.

 **Deacon**

He never thought in a million years he'd ever live in Teddy Conrad's house. He wouldn't let himself think about it much, all those years they were apart, about where they would live together if they ever did get together again.

They'd started off, in the beginning, in a studio apartment. Then they'd lived together in the East Nashville bungalow that was still his house. He knew that house wasn't practical for them. Plus Scarlett lived there too and he would never kick her out. It was her home too.

Belle Meade wasn't his kind of place. He wasn't a country club, suit wearing kind of guy. But now, home was where Rayna was. And while this place was grander than what he'd choose, there were so many parts of it that felt like a home, now that they were all in it together. He realized, once he started bringing his things over, that it didn't matter where they were, as long as they were together.

This was home. _He_ was home.

 **Daphne**

She watched the three of them together. Her mom was so happy. She was glad her mom was happy, because she loved her so much. And Maddie was happy and it had been a really long time since Maddie had been happy. And she loved Deacon. He was always good to her and included her. But when she watched the three of them together, she felt a lump in her throat.

This place didn't feel like home anymore.

 **Rayna**

She worried more about Deacon now. Probably a consequence of him living with them, but now that he was around all the time, she kept a close eye on him. She found herself trying to decide if he seemed more listless or if his voice seemed shakier or if he was losing weight or something. She went with him to his appointments with Dr. Rand and she knew that he was doing well, all things considered. But she still kept an eye on him.

He wouldn't let her hover, wouldn't let her baby him. He continued to live his life normally, insisting he felt fine and that he was going to do all the things he normally did.

So she tried to keep things normal. She kept her worries to herself. She didn't press, didn't ask, and, because he didn't seem sick, it was easier to pretend that he wasn't.

One of the things they did regularly, as a family, was sing together. This felt like how she'd always dreamed it would, back in the days when she and Deacon were just starting out. They'd often talked about raising a family together and sitting on a porch singing together. It sometimes brought tears to her eyes, when they were in the midst of it. _Why did I wait so long? Why wasn't I braver sooner?_

They'd agreed, as a family, to do the Note by Note fundraiser for the school music program. They'd decided to do 'This Time', since it was fun and upbeat and because she and Deacon had written it together. Deacon had always done the arrangements, when he was her bandleader, and he did the same for this, giving it a different sound than it had on her album. She was a little worried that his contribution was primarily his guitar work, that he wasn't doing much in the way of harmony vocals, but he assured her he was good and it was just because it felt like a song she and the girls should sing.

Their onstage rehearsal had gone well, except for Deacon's persistent cough. But he insisted he was fine. The show must go on.

 **Deacon**

There was no way they weren't doing this show. He wasn't feeling a hundred percent, but it wasn't going to stop him from doing the things he wanted to do. He had this family now and if he wasn't going to be around much longer, he wanted to live his life on his terms.

 **Daphne**

She felt a little like an outsider these days. Maddie had another dad now and she was getting to live with him. And she knew her mom really wanted to spend her time with Deacon. She felt like an afterthought.

 **Rayna**

She was still perturbed with Teddy. She'd managed to fix his dreadful mistake of signing Maddie to Edgehill, but that had been just one more of his questionable choices and she was still unsure of the type of influence she wanted him to have with the girls. Even though Maddie seemed to gravitate more towards Deacon these days, Teddy was still father to both girls, and particularly to Daphne. She didn't want to cut those ties completely, because she didn't want to have to explain all the poor decisions Teddy had made, but she was hoping to increase Deacon's influence on Daphne as well as Maddie.

This event was a positive one for the schools, though, and she wanted to support it, despite Teddy's involvement. It was music, after all, and she, as much as anyone, thought steering kids towards music was nothing but a good thing. So she and Deacon had agreed to participate and had asked the girls to perform with them. It would be their first public appearance together since they'd been back together. She was both nervous and excited.

She was glad to see, when they went home to get ready, that Deacon seemed to be feeling better.

 **Deacon**

He thought about what Gunnar said, about being like Charlie Brown and never giving up. It was really easy to let himself get down about his cancer and about his chances of getting a liver. They'd all felt so hopeful when he got the call and now he had to wait to see if his fever was going to stand in the way.

Rayna was always so positive and she kept telling him that they needed to keep believing this was going to happen. He didn't know from where she got her strength or her faith, but he wished he had some of that. He'd lived most of his life thinking he didn't deserve anything good and that was making it hard for him now to believe he'd get this liver and everything would be okay and he'd live a long life, able to be a husband to Rayna and a father to Maddie and Daphne.

Maybe Gunnar was right, though. He'd gone through life thinking he was always having all the good things in his life pulled away from him, that he didn't deserve to kick that football and that was the reason he never got the chance. But Charlie Brown kept coming back, time after time, year after year. He always believed that one day he'd actually kick that ball.

Maybe one day he would too. Maybe today was that day.

 **Rayna**

She kissed him and held his hand as long as she could and then she watched them take him away from her. She felt hopeful and she also felt helpless. There was nothing she could do for him now, but hope and pray.

 **Scarlett**

She watched Rayna, as they sat in the waiting room. She'd admired this woman her whole life. She thought back to her first memory of Rayna Jaymes, standing in the house she lived in with her mama. She didn't look like the Rayna Jaymes you saw on her album covers or up on a stage. She'd told her to just call her Rayna and she'd held her on her lap and they'd sang together.

It had been a dream of hers when she was small to be a performer like Rayna, but as the years went by and her mama's sickness cast such a dark cloud over their lives, she'd given up on that. Her uncle Deacon wasn't around much, which meant neither was Rayna. She learned later that it was because he was an alcoholic and was in and out of rehab for years. He sent money though and eventually she'd been able to go to college and break away from her mother.

She'd gotten to meet Rayna again when she moved to Nashville with Avery, and got pulled into her orbit and signed to a recording contract. Even when her life spiraled out of control, Rayna had stood by her, had supported her, had cared about her, had loved her. So now, she knew she'd do anything for this woman who sat across from her and pretended she was strong. She knew Rayna was terrified, because she was terrified. But as she held Rayna's hand, she felt like it was going to be okay.

Until Caleb walked in the waiting room, much too soon.

 **Daphne**

She was spending the night with her dad, after the Note by Note show, because everyone else was at the hospital. It had turned out pretty good, since she got to sing after all, and with Luke. Luke was so nice. She really did love Deacon, but sometimes she still wished her mom had married Luke after all. It would have been easier. Luke didn't belong to her or to Maddie, so they would both have been in the same position.

She asked her dad if she could come live with him for a while. She really meant that she wanted to live with him forever, but she decided to wait to ask that. She really hoped he could convince her mom to let her. At least here, she wouldn't feel left out.

 **Maddie**

She was sitting in the back seat of her mom's car as they drove down West End. It was late, so traffic had thinned out. She stared unseeing out the window, her arms crossed over her waist. She was trying hard not to cry. Everything had been so hopeful at first. Then it looked like her dad might not get the transplant after all, but then it was a go after all. Only it wasn't.

She was so afraid he would die.

She watched as they crossed over 440, then past another hospital, which made her stomach hurt. They finally turned onto the road to their house. No one was talking in the car. There was really nothing to say.

She saw her mom reach across the console and take her dad's hand. He looked over at her for a moment and then he leaned back against the seat in front of her, just holding her hand.

She couldn't keep the tears from rolling down her face, but she worked hard at not making a sound. She looked at the houses along the road, some with lights still on, looking warm and cozy. She bet no one in those houses had cancer and thought they might die. It felt so unfair that just when they could all finally be together, it might all go away.

When her mom pulled in and parked the car, she opened the door and jumped out, running into the house. She couldn't face either one of them just then. She really needed to be alone.

 **Deacon**

It was hard to believe that just a few hours earlier they'd been laughing and playing games on their phones. It was hard to believe that just a few hours earlier they'd thought he had a liver, that he was going to wake up the next day and know he wasn't going to die just yet.

It had been hard to look at Maddie and tell her he might die. It had been hard to look at the devastation on Rayna's face when they walked out of the hospital door and saw her sitting in her car.

The drive home was silent. There really was nothing to be said. They'd gotten their hopes up, been so sure that it was really happening and then it wasn't.

For the first time since he and Rayna had gotten back together, he really did start to lose hope. He knew there wasn't much time left. He knew the tumor was still growing and it wouldn't be long now before he was off the transplant list and just waiting to die. He wasn't ready for that.

Rayna reached for his hand and he held on as though he were drowning. He really wasn't ready to leave her. He wasn't ready to leave Maddie. Or Scarlett. Or Daphne. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

 _Please, God, don't let this be the end for me._

 **Rayna**

It was quiet in the car on the drive home. There just wasn't anything left to say. It had been a rollercoaster kind of day. It had started as every day started now, with Deacon waking up next to her. They always took time, first thing in the morning, to just enjoy being together. As usual, there were kisses and touches and talking about what the day would hold for both of them, the kind of regular stuff life was made of, that she finally could have with him.

She'd worked a half day, spending some time with a new artist on her label, talking to Bucky about tour details for another artist, reviewing contracts. Deacon had taken the girls to school, then had gone to pick up the guitar he wanted for the benefit show that night.

When she'd gotten home, he was taking a nap. Not an unusual thing these days, but she always worried just a little bit. When he woke up, he'd seemed a little under the weather and was coughing. He kept telling her he felt fine and she let it go. They'd picked up the girls and then gone to rehearse their number for the show that night.

He got the call about the liver just as they were arriving at the event and then had spent the rest of the evening going back and forth between whether he would even be able to have the surgery. And then once he was cleared and in the operating room, the devastating news came that the liver wasn't viable.

A day that had started with love and promise had ended with disappointment and uncertainty. She knew he was nearing the point of no return. She had a hard time reconciling that in her head. Even back in the days when he was at his worst, she'd truly always believed he'd be there. And now they had to face the ever-increasing chance that he would not.

She'd prayed that night. It was all too much to truly comprehend and she needed some kind of guidance as to what to do next. This was not what she'd expected that night at the Opry, when she'd realized that she was ready to take Deacon back into her life. She would not abandon him, but she was afraid and she didn't feel as strong as he always told her she was.

She glanced in the rear view mirror and saw Maddie looking out the side window, devastation all over her face. This was too much for a young girl to have to face and it made her sorry yet again that she'd kept this man and this little girl apart from each other for so long. She looked over at Deacon's grim face, disappointment etched all over it, and reached for his hand. He looked at her for a moment, his eyes full of sorrow and hurt. In her heart, she prayed desperately for an answer.

When they were in bed, lying so close to each other that there wasn't even an inch of space between them, she said, "We're not giving up."

He took a deep breath and just wrapped his arms more tightly around her.

 _ **Thanks to everyone whose read and/or reviewed this. It means a lot.**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Episode 20 – "Time Changes Things"**_

 _ **A/N: I'm going to ignore the reimagined flashbacks in this episode. I refuse to believe they are legit and won't dignify them by even acknowledging them, except as being inaccurate. There will be some reference to things that happened in the past, but they'll be more consistent with what we were told in seasons 1 and 2.**_

 **Rayna**

She'd thought long and hard about what she was about to do. Not that long, actually, because there wasn't enough time to think about it too carefully. But she didn't normally sit on decisions long – never had – and this hadn't really been that hard a decision to make. The hardest part was not telling Deacon. She'd promised herself after everything came out about Maddie that she would never lie to him again. She'd never done it before and she hadn't done it since, but that had been a big one. It had taken a while to really get past all of that, all the little things that had reminded both of them of the years she'd kept him from knowing Maddie was his.

She knew, though, that if she'd told him what she was going to do, he would have told her no. He would not have wanted her to go to Mississippi and beg Beverly to help him. He had too much pride for that. But she also knew it had hurt him to the core, had hurt him about as much as anything ever could have, for Beverly to turn her back on him.

Desperate times called for desperate measures, though, so that was why she'd gotten up at four o'clock in the morning and driven to John Tune airport. It was why she was on this private plane, headed for Natchez. And it was why she'd told Deacon she was headed to New York to discuss a distribution deal. She told herself it was better this way. She and Beverly had their own bitter history and she didn't know if her plan would work, so it was better that she not get Deacon's hopes up until there was something to be hopeful about.

After she'd hung up with Deacon and they were preparing to land, she closed her eyes and prayed. _Please, Lord, give me the right words to put it on Beverly's heart to help her brother._

 **Maddie**

She'd really wanted to be alone with Colt. He really made it hard to breathe when she was around him. He was so sweet to her and she really liked kissing him, but they weren't able to really be alone. Whenever they were at the ranch, Luke was always hovering nearby, which was annoying. So one day when they'd talked about where they could go, she remembered that she had the key to her dad's house. Now that he was living with them, it seemed like the perfect place.

She'd felt shy when they first went back to Scarlett's room. But he'd been very gentle and patient with her. He'd slowly unbuttoned her blouse and then taken off his own shirt. They'd agreed there would only be touching above the waist. This time. She'd never done anything like this before and she was a little scared to do anything else.

It had felt really good though. The little tingles she'd felt in her stomach when he kissed her felt more intense when he touched her skin on her abdomen and then when he touched her breasts by running his fingers over her bra. She had tentatively reached out and put her hand on his chest and he'd smiled at her. She breathed in and bit her lip. She felt a warmth creep up through her body.

When they heard the front door slam, they sprang apart as though they were on fire. _Please be Scarlett, please be Scarlett._

 **Deacon**

He could hardly breathe. He couldn't even look at Maddie, as she sat in the front seat next to him, sniffling now and then. He didn't know what to say to her anyway. This was something that Rayna would be far better at dealing with, but he wasn't going to interrupt her business trip with this. He'd have to figure out what to do, what to say, how to feel.

When he'd found out Maddie had a boyfriend, it had stirred up all kinds of unfamiliar feelings. He had so little experience being her dad and he wasn't sure how a dad should feel about a boyfriend. He'd told Rayna he felt like he needed to protect her and she'd smiled and told him that was exactly right. But he hadn't let himself think about things like this.

He and Rayna hadn't been a whole lot older than Colt and Maddie when they had met, but he didn't like imagining their daughter doing anything close to what they had done back then. It made his head hurt.

He really didn't want to mess this up by saying or doing the wrong thing.

 **Rayna**

Beverly was still a bitter, hard-hearted woman. But she had to put that aside, for Deacon's sake. Beverly was probably his last chance and she had to swallow hard to keep from giving Deacon's sister a piece of her mind. She tried being nice, tried appealing to Beverly's sense of family.

But Beverly couldn't get past her hurt feelings. She'd always blamed Rayna for luring Deacon away from her, when the reality was that Deacon had left long before he'd ever met her. She knew Beverly's memories of the past were distorted by her illness and the treatments she'd endured back then, so she tried to stay away from that.

Beverly had always disappointed Deacon though, so none of this felt unfamiliar. He'd tried reaching out to her when he was in rehab, but she wouldn't acknowledge him. Rayna often wondered if Beverly's refusal to step up for Deacon hurt his recovery. She was the only other person who knew the damage done during their childhood, the only other person who could have helped him sift through that. But Beverly refused and walked away. Again.

Rayna felt like time was slipping away as she watched Beverly turn her back on Deacon. Again.

 **Maddie**

She felt better by the end of the day. It had helped to talk to Juliette, but more than that, it had helped to talk it out with her dad. She was lucky to have him, for however long it ended up being.

 **Rayna**

She wasn't sure what she'd expected would happen when she went to Natchez. If she were honest, probably exactly what happened. After she had talked to Deacon, she'd felt so helpless. Like she had failed him. She'd sat in the rental car for a long time, just crying, trying to think if there was anything else she could do. And then, finally, she'd driven to Beverly's house. She knew that last desperate act could blow up in her face, but she couldn't leave without doing everything she could think of to convince Beverly.

She had written that check on her private account. In the back of her mind, she didn't believe Beverly would cash it. She did, however, think it would force her to act. If it cost her a million dollars in the end, it was worth it, because Deacon was worth infinitely more than that to her.

He was worth whatever it took to keep him alive.

 **Deacon**

She'd sounded down when he talked to her on the phone. More than usual, for just a business deal. Especially a last minute business deal. But maybe it was just because it had been a long day. She'd been up since before dawn and now it was long after dinner. They were a half hour out from Nashville, she'd said, and then she'd be home in about twenty minutes.

He'd told her about Maddie and Colt then. She'd sounded sad about it, but she'd also told him he'd handled it well. _Somehow I guess I thought we wouldn't have to deal with this, but I'm so glad we're doing it together, babe._ It made him feel good to know they were a team. And he'd told her again that he'd help her unwind, that he couldn't wait for her to get home.

 **Rayna**

When she finally got home, it was very late. The girls were already in bed. Deacon was asleep on the couch. She had lightly touched his arm and he'd bolted wide awake, then smiled sheepishly at her. He took her hand and they walked back to the bedroom together. He asked her a few questions about her trip. She gave him answers that were truthful, yet not completely accurate. She was disappointed, she'd told him, as disappointed as she'd ever been about anything. That was the truth too.

They had gotten into bed and, as they always did, wrapped themselves around each other. He stroked her hair and rubbed her arm. She laid her hand on his chest and her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes as she felt some of the tension ease from her body. Then he put his thumb under her chin and raised her face up towards his. He looked deep into her eyes and she hoped he didn't see the truth there. But he merely leaned in and kissed her, gently at first, then more urgently.

Before long, he'd rolled her onto her back and their hands were touching and stroking and exploring each other, the kisses got hotter, and then she gasped with pleasure as he made love to her. She forgot everything that had happened that day as she gave herself over to him.

In the aftermath, as they held each other close, he brushed his lips against her cheek. "Did that improve your day?" he asked softly.

She smiled up at him. "More than you'll ever know," she responded.

 _ **Thanks to those who are reading. I'd really love to know what you think, though – good, bad, or indifferent. It helps to know if I'm hitting the mark or not.**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Episode 21 – "Is The Better Part Over"**_

 _ **Thanks for the kind reviews – I'm glad to know I'm hitting the right note. Please keep letting me know what you think – I love the encouragement!**_

 **Rayna**

She hadn't felt this kind of anxiety in a very long time. In fact, the last time she'd felt this not in control was when she'd been with Deacon, all those years ago. And now here she was back in that same place. Not for the same reasons, of course, but he was the common denominator.

Lying to him about her trip to Natchez was weighing on her. He'd seemed to sense that she wasn't quite herself, but he'd attributed it to the lost distribution deal and she hadn't corrected him. She wasn't sure if he'd be angry with her or not. He was a proud man and he would never beg Beverly himself; she wasn't sure if he would be okay with her doing it for him.

The tumor was still growing. Every time they visited the doctor, it was larger, and he was edging closer and closer to that time when he would be taken off the transplant list. She tried not to think about it, but when she did, it made her frantic. She'd been so brave, that night at the cabin, telling him it didn't matter what happened, as long as they were together. Well, it _did_ matter. She couldn't bear the thought of losing him. Could barely even allow herself to think about what that would be like. It made her sick to her stomach. She felt like she was on the edge of losing it, but she would push all the worry and anxiety back down and present a positive face to him. Her man.

It had been three days and she still hadn't heard from Beverly. She'd left her multiple messages, but Beverly had never returned her calls. She had a sick feeling, deep inside her, that she hadn't been able to convince Deacon's sister to save him. And she really did believe that Beverly was his last hope. His _only_ hope.

* * *

She wasn't sure how she got through the meeting with Scarlett and Gunnar. She had, of course, by putting on her brave face, her business face, and pushing all her worry and anxiety and dread aside. She thought they had made a smart choice in choosing Sadie's manager, Noel, as their manager. She liked Noel and she knew he'd protect them and nurture them, much the way Bucky had protected and nurtured her after she'd hired him.

She was truly happy that Scarlett was giving performing another chance. She thought that teaming up with Gunnar, who seemed so solid and steady, would be just the thing to help her weather the storm of fame this time. She really hoped they decided to sign with her.

As she walked back to her office after the meeting, she realized the phones were ringing off the hook and that her staffers were looking at her with an emotion she couldn't quite place. Her phones, both office and mobile, were buzzing, showing caller ID's she didn't recognize. Something was up, but she couldn't imagine what it could be.

Then Bucky stopped by and turned her world completely upside down. Somehow the news had gotten to the media about Deacon's cancer. It wasn't really that they were trying to hide it, but they'd been selective in who they'd told. She could only imagine how it would make him feel. The only person more private than she was, was Deacon. She had no idea how he'd take the news.

But the bullet that nearly killed her was the overnight envelope Bucky handed her. When she opened it, she found the check she'd written to Beverly, all torn up. She could hardly breathe. It felt like her throat was closing up. She felt utterly and completely helpless.

Her heart felt like it had been torn apart. She was destroyed.

 **Deacon**

It had started off as a really good day. He and Rayna had taken the girls to the airport almost a week earlier, sending them out for a week with Tandy. Maddie had been devastated after the failed transplant and they'd both thought the girls could use a change of scenery. As much as they'd missed them, they'd enjoyed having the house to themselves. He was surely getting used to that house, much as he hated to admit it. But he was with Rayna and that made it all worthwhile.

Waking up with her, snuggled into his side, had been the best medicine he could have. Being able to touch her, look into her eyes, kiss her lips, make love to her, every day, sometimes felt like a dream. But it was real. He was happy. In spite of everything, he was happy. She'd wanted to play hooky from work that day, but he knew she had the pitch meeting with Gunnar and Scarlett, and so he'd cooked her breakfast and made her coffee and sent her reluctantly on her way.

He was headed over to his house to pick up a guitar he was planning to use that night at the Bluebird show he was doing. He had given up his every third Thursday routine when he'd gone out on the road with Luke Wheeler. He'd thought he'd go back to that once the tour was over, but then he'd found out he had cancer, the day Rayna and Luke were supposed to get married, and he'd withdrawn from most everything he'd done before. But he'd been itching to perform again and this seemed like the perfect opportunity.

Maddie and Daphne had been disappointed he'd scheduled it while they were away, but he assured them there would be other times, even though he didn't know how many there would be. Being with Rayna had changed his mindset about his illness, though. Where before, he'd been resigned to dying, she'd given him a renewed will to live, to fight. Even though the tumor was still growing, he tried to be positive that a new donor would be found in time, one that would work.

But then he heard the DJ's on a local country station talking about his cancer and saying he was terminal. It felt a little like he was listening to a eulogy and, for the first time in a while, he started feeling like his time was running out.

Only he was nowhere near ready for that to happen.

 **Rayna**

She hadn't been able to focus on Juliette and her manic state. _The woman has just had a baby, for crying out loud. She needs to stay home and be a mom for a minute._ But she honestly didn't care at that point. It was impossible to concentrate on her, in that moment.

For a minute she'd thought she was going to pass out. She couldn't focus on what was being said or seem to form a coherent sentence. And she'd had enough of the ungrateful woman sitting in front of her. The next thing she knew she had picked up her purse and phone and had walked out of her office.

Now she was in her car, driving towards home. She tried calling Deacon but his phone went straight to voice mail. She tried calling his house and there was no answer. She was afraid he'd already heard that the news was out. She was on the verge of tears, but she was trying hard to hold it together until she got home.

She walked into the house in a daze. Phones were buzzing, the only sound in the house. She knew he wasn't there, but she called his name out anyway. While she knew in her head there was still hope, her heart had given up.

 **Deacon**

He had thought about cancelling the Bluebird show. For a moment. He didn't really like his business out there for everyone to know. But he remembered what Maddie had said to him, thinking he'd been embarrassed about having cancer, and he reconsidered. It did bug him that people would feel sorry for him, but these were people that knew him and cared about him. And he knew that Rayna needed to have people she could rely on, for support, in case the worst happened.

He told Scarlett he'd still be there. Then he finished working on his guitar, packed it up, and headed for home.

When he got there, he saw Rayna's SUV parked haphazardly in the drive. He frowned. He got out of his truck and walked in the house. He saw her purse on the kitchen island, her phone buzzing on top of it. He picked it up and saw a number he didn't recognize. He could see she had missed calls and voice mails, all strange numbers.

He stood there for a moment, just looking at the phone. Then he set it down and called out to her. When he got no answer, he headed towards the place he thought she'd be.

 **Rayna**

She knew she was wallowing. In her sorrow, in her fear, in her anger. She'd come to her music room, the place where she'd always felt Deacon the most, during the years she was married to Teddy. _Their_ gold records, _their_ awards, _their_ albums, _their_ publicity shots, they were all here. She'd gotten the bottle of whiskey she'd hidden away when he'd moved in and had already had a couple shots. She was playing all their old records, as she sobbed.

 _What's goin' on?_

When she heard his voice, she crumbled. She could see that he'd heard that his cancer was the topic of conversation all over town. _Why'd you have to get sick?_

* * *

In the end, he'd held her and comforted her, and he hadn't blamed her for what she'd done – not the lie, not going to Beverly, not even trying to pay her to do the right thing. But when she couldn't hold back her fear any longer – _'cause every time I've looked in my future, you've always been in it_ – he cried with her.

She held him as close to her as she could and eventually she was the one comforting him, as he sobbed on her shoulder and told her how scared he was that he wouldn't make it and how hurt he was over Beverly's rejection.

 **Deacon**

It had shaken him to see Rayna so destroyed. It had reminded him of how things had been back when he was drinking. He thought for just a moment about how this was exactly what he'd wanted to protect her from, back in the beginning, when he wouldn't tell her about the cancer. What he'd come to realize was that the day would have come eventually when she would have to know. And it was better that she know when they could make some memories instead of when he was on his deathbed.

Being with her had given him hope. He'd been sure God wouldn't be so cruel as to finally give them this chance, only to snatch it away at the last minute. But maybe He was saying they'd figured it out too late. And when he found her, back in the music room, playing her old albums and drinking whiskey, he'd felt shaken to his core.

He was scared. He was terrified.

* * *

They'd made love, right there on the floor of the music room, but it had been a desperate kind of lovemaking. There had been a franticness to it, an urgency with no comfort, and then they'd just held each other, their hearts beating hard and their breathing ragged, and this overriding sense of doom.

 **Rayna**

She felt bad about the whiskey. He really never even looked at it, but she still felt bad. When they finally got up from the floor, she picked up the bottle and, without a word, walked out of the room and down to the kitchen and poured the rest of it down the sink. Then she stood there, her hands resting on the edge of the sink, and she pulled herself together.

 **Deacon**

He decided not to do the show after all. They needed to stay home and just be together. If there wasn't much time left – at least enough time to do the things they really wanted – then they needed to spend it together.

He was starting to feel like he was already dead, with people talking about him as though he were. He didn't want the pity, didn't need someone's misguided words as they tried to comfort him. He just needed Rayna.

 **Rayna**

Maybe all they'd really needed to do was acknowledge to each other that there wasn't a magic wand that could be waved over this and make it all better. That hourglass was quickly running out of sand and they both knew it. All that was left to do was make the best of what was left and do the things that they loved. And so she took his hand and pulled him up off the floor and they went to get ready to go to the Bluebird.

 **Deacon**

It hadn't been the original plan, but as they'd taken a shower, he'd talked her into coming on stage with him. As they got dressed and drove to the Bluebird, they'd talked about what songs they'd sing. At one point, she'd looked at him and smiled. _Let's do 'Surrender'._

They'd written that a long time ago. It was his third try at rehab, when she'd told him she wasn't sure she could stay with him any longer. But there she was, waiting for him when he walked out the door, her face full of hope. This was the song they'd written that first night he was home.

 _You haunt me when I fall asleep  
You're in every breath I breathe  
I still hear your footsteps down the hall_

 _And I keep trying to pretend this ache for you is gonna end_  
 _But I know better than that now_

 _So baby please_  
 _Tell me why don't we_  
 _Take this time we wasted_  
 _And don't hold back let's face it_  
 _I need you and baby you need me_

 _We're all we've been missing_  
 _If we could just stop resisting_  
 _And give in to what's supposed to be_

 _And I'll surrender to you_  
 _If you surrender to me_

This song had reminded them both of a time when they'd felt pretty hopeless about the future, but ultimately realized they were better together than apart. And it had felt like the right backdrop for this point in their lives.

 _I hear you whisper in the air at night  
You're in every single song I write  
And every melody I play_

 _It doesn't matter where I run_  
 _I come back to where I'm running from_  
 _Your face is everywhere I turn_

 _So baby please_  
 _Tell me why don't we_  
 _Take this time we've wasted_  
 _And don't hold back let's face it_  
 _I need you and baby you need me_

When he looked in her eyes, he could see everything he'd ever dreamed of and he was just glad he had this time, however long or short it turned out to be, to be with her.

 _We're all we've been missing  
If we could just stop resisting  
And give in to what's supposed to be_

 _And I'll surrender to you_  
 _If you surrender to me_

 _I'll surrender to you_  
 _If you surrender to me_

 **Rayna**

She showed up. She stepped up. Even though that anxious feeling filled her stomach, even though alarm bells were ringing in her head, she couldn't help but be grateful when Beverly had walked through the door of the Bluebird that night.

She'd given up. Deacon had given up. At least on believing there would be a happy ending. And then it came walking through the door. If it were up to her, she'd get Beverly in the hospital the next day, before she could change her mind. She still couldn't quite believe that Beverly was right upstairs, in one of the guest rooms. She was terrified she'd wake up the next morning and she'd be gone. Or would never have been there at all, just a figment of her imagination.

She got into bed, where Deacon was waiting for her, and curled up into his side, just like she did every night. For a few minutes, they just laid there together, not saying a word, just thinking about the evening had ended.

"I think we got that Hail Mary pass after all, Ray," he finally whispered in her ear, as he put his arm around her waist and pulled her up against him.

She could feel his need and she wanted that badly, to celebrate the beginning of the rest of their lives together. She slid her leg up and over his and touched her lips to his. "I think you're right," she whispered back. "We surely did."


	8. Chapter 8

_**Episode 22 – "Before You Go, Make Sure You Know"**_

 _ **So, this is my last chapter. It's been fun writing for y'all.**_

 **Deacon**

He'd been having dreams for a while, but lately he had them more often. In the beginning, they were vague. He was in the hospital and he woke up and they couldn't find Rayna. Or they woke him up in the operating room and told him the liver donor had disappeared. But then the dreams turned dark. He was buried alive. He flatlined.

He didn't want to worry Rayna, so he didn't tell her all the details of the dreams, but she knew him so well. She knew he was afraid, he didn't have to say it out loud. Even now, with Beverly here in Nashville, he worried. He'd always waited for the worst to happen and this was no different.

He couldn't stop the dreams.

So he'd hold her close, breathe in her smell, kiss her gently, run his fingers over her skin. She was real, she was here, they had everything right there that they'd always wanted. All he had to do was make it through the surgery.

 **Rayna**

She was worried about Deacon. He'd been having disturbing dreams since he'd moved in. Not every night, but they'd wake him up, sometimes in a cold sweat. He would always tell her it was okay, that it was a side effect of the medication he was taking, but she wasn't sure she believed him. But she also knew he was trying to protect her and it wasn't worth fighting him about it.

As the surgery date got closer, the dreams came more often. She knew he was nervous. That was probably normal and perhaps even more so for someone like him. The best thing she could do was offer comfort, and so she did.

 **Beverly**

She knew a small part of the reason that Rayna had insisted she stay here was because she didn't trust her. Truthfully, she was scared to death. She had listened to that doctor tell her the surgery was not complicated, at least for her, and that she should recover. She'd thought about looking it up on the internet, but she was pretty sure that it would just make her want to hightail it back to Natchez.

This was her chance, though. She was going to be the hero. She was going to be able to do something Rayna Jaymes couldn't do. Save Deacon.

If Rayna hadn't shown up in Natchez, she probably wouldn't have changed her mind. She'd trusted Deacon all those years ago, trusted him that the two of them could make it. But then Doug had sweet-talked her into staying and life turned into a nightmare for her. She blamed Deacon for not trying hard enough to convince her to come with him. By the time she'd come to her senses, it had been too late. He'd found Rayna and he didn't need her anymore.

Yes, she felt bitter. Who wouldn't? None of what he did after that mattered. Not the money for Scarlett, none of it. She didn't owe him a thing.

But when Miss Rayna Jaymes, the Queen of Country Music, came asking – no, begging – for her help, well, what else could she do but play the hero of the story? It was her turn to shine.

 **Deacon**

He hadn't told anyone that his greatest fear was that Beverly would get spooked. It helped, having her stay with them. He told her over and over again how grateful he was, until she told him to shut up or she was going to punch his lights out. That would make him smile, because that's what she always told him when they were growing up, when he got on her nerves about something.

He spent more time with his sister than he had in over twenty years. They talked a lot about the past, about growing up in that house, about escaping that life with their own. He felt closer to his sister than he had since he was a teenager. Life had taken them down very different paths. He knew she still held a grudge, blamed him for leaving her behind, even though he knew it wasn't like that at all. She'd made the choice not to come with him, to stay behind in Natchez and wait for Doug. All that was on her, but he understood that it made her feel better about her choices to lay them at his feet. And so he let it lie.

As the days and weeks passed, while she went through her testing and the waiting period they required to ensure she was serious about donating, they worked at repairing their relationship. It wasn't easy, but he thought it was important. He knew Rayna was uncomfortable having her there, uncomfortable with how easily the girls accepted her into their lives, but she was quiet about it. He could sense her tension, though, feel the stress in her body, and he gave her back rubs and foot rubs and he tended to her lovingly, in appreciation for all she was doing. He loved her so much and he was just grateful to feel like he was going to actually have the life they'd always dreamed of.

But he still worried that Beverly would do what she always did, and bolt at the last minute. And the dreams kept coming.

 **Rayna**

Beverly was really on her last nerve. Having her around, the way the girls fawned all over her, made her a little crazy. Even the way Deacon seemed to be drawn to her. She spent most of every day, now, at the office. She didn't really want to, because she wanted to spend the time with Deacon, but she couldn't stomach a whole day of Beverly and her side-eyes and veiled remarks. Besides, once the surgery was done, she and Deacon had the rest of their lives together. It was a small price to pay, she supposed.

 **Beverly**

She enjoyed the look on Rayna's face when she told her daughters she was thinking about staying in Nashville. And why shouldn't she? Her own daughter was here, after all. And Deacon would do anything for her, once she'd given him the gift of life.

And if she could see that constipated look on Miss Rayna Jaymes' face every day for the rest of her life, it would make life worth living.

 **Deacon**

When Dr. Rand told them the tumor had grown to the point that he was going to be taken off the transplant list, he felt even more grateful for Beverly's sacrifice. If not for her, he'd be facing the prospect of dying.

But now the dreams were coming to him when he was awake.

 **Rayna**

In some ways it seemed strange to her that she and Deacon weren't more excited about the surgery. Maybe it was because they'd been down that road before and come up empty. Maybe it was because of the finality of this chance. If this didn't work, if something went wrong, there would be no more opportunities.

Maybe because it was Beverly.

They had made peace with the fact that no miracle was coming, so when it did, it seemed prudent to keep a low profile, to stay steady. It was hard, because Maddie was beyond thrilled and filled with hope and excitement. But she and Deacon wanted to wait until it was all done and then celebrate, when they knew he was going to recover.

When they went to bed, the night before his surgery, they lay side-by-side, their fingers touching, looking at the ceiling, saying nothing. She was trying to keep her breathing steady, even though her heart was racing and her stomach was in knots. Then Deacon rolled onto his side to face her and she turned her head to look at him.

There was such conflict in his eyes – hope and fear, all mixed together. The same things she was feeling. She reached up to touch his cheek. Then he groaned quietly and put his lips on hers and pulled her into his embrace and they let themselves give each other comfort.

* * *

Sometime in the night, he sat up suddenly, breathing hard. She reached for his hand and he gripped it tightly. _It's okay_ , she whispered, and finally he laid back down.

 **Beverly**

She wasn't going to tell Deacon and Rayna she was terrified. She had tried not to think about the surgery much, because when she did, she had a very bad feeling about it. She could still leave. She could get out of this bed and disappear before morning.

But she wouldn't. She thought back to when Rayna had showed up at her place with that check. She'd sat at her kitchen table for a long time holding that check in her hands. _A million dollars!_ She'd never seen that kind of money before. It would make her life so easy. But thinking about how Rayna could so easily just write a check for that kind of money had made her blood boil. _That could have been me! It should have been me!_

And so she'd swallowed her fears and her still-lingering anger at Deacon and thought about what she could gain. The love and admiration of her daughter, certainly. And the eternal gratefulness of her ungrateful brother. But most of all, she'd have leverage over Rayna Jaymes. Finally. Maybe now she could get the things she deserved.

It made her feel a little better to tell off Rayna. Not much, but a little. But it would feel a whole lot better after this surgery was all over. She smiled to herself and then she turned out the bedside lamp.

 **Deacon**

He felt anxious. Partly because of what had happened the last time, partly because of the unsettling dreams he'd been having that felt like warnings. He knew all the risks, and he knew they were worth taking, but he worried that he would still die and leave everyone he loved.

The nurse who took his blood pressure had given him a knowing smile and told him to think positive thoughts and breathe deeply. He tried, but his heart was beating so hard in his chest.

He looked at Rayna and wondered why they hadn't gotten married. Suddenly he was afraid that they'd never get the chance. He looked up at her. _Marry me._

 **Rayna**

 _He asked me to marry him. It wasn't romantic this time, like that first time at the cabin. Or that beautiful speech he made in my kitchen that night after Luke put that hideous ring on my finger. This was not romantic at all. It was filled with fear and desperation. And I didn't want that. Still don't want that. I didn't want to remember the day that I finally married Deacon Claybourne to be in a cold, sterile hospital room, with him in a hospital gown. We deserve better._

 _I did have time to think, though, as we waited for news, about why we'd not done it before now. Why had we just not gotten married once we'd made the decision to get back together? It wasn't as though we didn't know each other. We're so much a part of each other, after all these years. He knows me better than anyone else and I know him the same. There have, of course, been times when those bonds were strained, but they never broke. Not really. I think he knew I always loved him and I surely knew he always loved me._

 _I guess we just felt like we didn't need it. Kind of like all those years ago. We were together for nearly eleven years and never got married. He only asked after I'd broken up with him and started dating Teddy. I would have married him, too, if I hadn't walked out that next morning and found him passed out on the couch._

 _I should have married him any of these days since that night at the cabin, when he finally let me in and realized we could fight this thing together better than he could do it alone. What were we waiting for? But I've always felt married to Deacon in my heart. Even when I was married to Teddy. Deacon was always my one true love and I always felt connected to him at the heart and soul._

 _We said the words to each other. They're not official, but we finally said them out loud to each other. And we'll do it again, this time for real. I feel that in my heart and soul._

 **Maddie**

This time she was scared. She wasn't sure why it was different than the first time. That time she'd felt so confident, up until it didn't work out. This time seemed more of a sure thing, yet she was scared. She couldn't relax, couldn't focus on anything other than this fear that he wouldn't survive this.

She'd come to the chapel again. She took a deep breath and that seemed to calm her restless soul. _Please, God, don't take him away from us. We finally have this chance to be a family, to be the family we were always supposed to be. They're so happy. I can see it. I can feel it. I know You can see it too. This is our chance and I want it so bad. Maybe I shouldn't want it so much, but it feels good, and I don't want it to end._

She bowed her head then and tears slowly ran down her cheeks. This was what she'd wanted, for so long, and now they had it. She wanted this for all of them. _Please, God, let my dad live._

 **Rayna**

She'd done everything differently this time than the last time. It was as though that would make a difference. She wasn't a superstitious person, but she consciously made sure she didn't walk with him to the elevator. She didn't sit in the same chair in the waiting room.

The time went so slowly. An hour passed, two hours, then it was four hours. Dr. Rand had said it could take seven or eight hours. She wasn't sure her heart could take it. Beverly's surgery would end first and she'd be taken to ICU. And then they'd finish with Deacon and he would go there as well. Her stomach was all tied up in knots.

The girls and Scarlett tried to get her to play cards, but she had trouble concentrating. When Gunnar came in, she'd nearly vaulted out of her chair. She could feel her heart beating in her ears and she was getting a headache. She wanted to throw up, but she had to be strong for Maddie and Daphne.

The clock was ticking slowly towards the sixth hour. She was sitting with the girls, the TV on in front of them, but not registering. Suddenly the door opened again. It was Dr. Rand. She got up and walked around the couch. _Rayna, might I talk to you privately?_

Her heart was beating out of her chest. Her mouth felt dry. She glanced at her girls, then focused on him, standing out of their immediate earshot, though she could feel their worried eyes on them.

He took a deep breath. "I have some bad news."


End file.
